So much to write, so little time...
The snaars wife: I don't often write about her, but snaars fans should know that she is central and indispensable to the phenomenon.
Seriously, Michelle has borne the brunt of the family's troubles of the last two years or so. We are healing from the disaster that ensued after our move north, and Michelle has had to do the most. In an unfamiliar house, far from anyplace we had ever called home, we found she was pregnant with our third child. Rejected by the family she had so long wanted to be reunited with, we faced another move and the premature burden of being on our own before I had stable employment.
Regular visits with my parents kept us sane. We made the 2.5 hour trip at least once a month (usually twice) for a long time. My parents also loaned us a LOT of money. I think they felt partially responsible, because before the move their encouragement allayed any doubts we had felt.
Michelle had it worse than I did in a lot of ways, coming to grips with the reality of the dynamics of her family (past and present), and doing the bulk of the parenting work: getting the kids into school, enduring a third pregnancy and a difficult home labor and birth, then taking care of an infant on top of everything else - all in a place where we had very little money, or support from anyone.
During the first months in the apartment and throughout the pregnancy I suffered from panic attacks. I went to work every day knowing I wasn't making enough money. I came home wanting to do something else to make money and feeling helpless. Michelle and I both felt tired, but we couldn't sleep.
Despite all this, Michelle continued to volunteer many hours per week to the Childbirth and Postpartum Professionals Association, as their public relations coordinator and director of state representatives. I think she had clung to the position as something over which she could have some control during a time when everything else seemed out of control.
Meanwhile, because of our obligations as parents to our first two lovely daughters, we couldn't slow down or focus on our own needs as much as we should have done.
I have had five jobs in the past two years, with bouts of unemployment in-between. This last job has been going very well. I have had steady employment for five months now, and although our expenses still outweigh our income, the discrepancy is minimal; we've been making stead progress and I expect the trend to continue. Soon, we will be restoring our savings. I expect we'll be buying a house within six months or a year.
I have been working with some wonderful people. They have been impressed with me and my work. I did not get this job through the staffing agency, but through an aquaintance I made while working for the agency. Within a week of getting the job, I was offered another job at a different company. Not only was I able to negotiate better benefits from my employer because of it - I actually managed to go back to the company that had given me the second offer, and I set up a complementary schedule with them, so that I was able to work both jobs.
The second job has since evaporated, but it was good for the several months it lasted. I am on good terms with the owner of the business.
After working with my current employer for three months, they gave me a considerable raise. And today - just this morning - they brought me into a meeting to discuss sending me back to school to take accounting and/or IT courses. They advised me that the combination of accounting and IT has considerable earning potential. They are willing to reimburse me 100% for tuition and expenses.
The only requirement is that I make at least a B in whatever courses I want to take. (I didn't feel it necessary to bring to their attention that I aced almost all my courses at UL - I think they know I'm capable.)
Sometimes it's good to be the snaars!
Simcha turns six this week! She wants a Care Bear more than anything. (I'm just glad she's over the Bratz doll obsession of the last few months!)
I'll write more about the kids soon - I know that's what all the real snaars fans ache for - but for now, it's past my bedtime.
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introspection. Show all posts
Friday, October 19, 2007
Sunday, October 07, 2007
Epitaph
I think I'd like the following to be read at my funeral (not that I'm expecting it anytime soon):
What delightful hosts they are--Love and Laughter!
Lingeringly I turn away at this late hour, yet glad
They have not withheld from me their high hospitality.
So at the door I pause to press their hands just once more
And say, "So fine a time! Thank you both . . . and goodbye."
- Anonymous
Sunday, May 06, 2007
My Place In This World
I've always questioned Authority in all its forms - but I haven't always been skeptical, really. A true skeptic has good reasons to withhold belief, and a critical mind. I didn't have a critical mind. I didn't know how to be critical. I believed virtually everything anyone said to me. If someone told me they'd seen ghosts, or demons, or angels, I believed them - I only wondered what it meant. I had a suspicion that it didn't mean what they said. Maybe it did - I just didn't know. I withheld belief out of ignorance - I didn't know how to evaluate extraordinary claims. I felt that there should be a way to think about outrageous claims without going around in mental circles. I felt like I was going in circles all the time, with no way out.
I had listened carefully to the sermons preached at my home church growing up, to televangelists, to friends, and to Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses who came to my door. I even listened patiently and debated half-heartedly with suited evangelists handing out tracts at the mall. I envied them a little bit. They understood exactly where they were and what they were supposed to do.
I had tried reading the Bible, prayer, transcendental meditation, and even Yoga. Some moments, I felt like I was on the verge of something important. For instance, there were times I felt as though I was floating a few inches above my chair while I was meditating. But whatever my experiences, I never knew what to make of them, really.
In the summer of 1996, I was depressed. Perhaps I've always been depressed, but at this point I was having a melt-down. I was painfully aware of mortality, and not just my own. I was thinking about pets, friends, and relatives who had died. Everyone dies. No one makes it out of this life alive. Furthermore, everything we do and build eventually crumbles into dust. Looking back at the events of my life that held the most significance for me, I found that they all involved heartache and death.
I was a complete and dismal failure. I had failed at college. I had failed to be a good son, a good brother, a good friend. My job, neither prestigious nor high-paying, had been a source of daily frustration for five or six long, tedious years. I had failed to make my life amount to something. This, despite everyone around me telling me that I had wonderful 'potential.'
I had even recently attempted, and failed at, a career of crime. After eighteen months of training and planning, I backed out of it. Years later I recognized that I had done something right and good, but at the time it just felt like I was weak. That's probably because my would-be partner in crime - my best friend, by far the smartest, most ruthless person I have ever met - didn't have a lot to do with me after I reneged. And as if that weren't enough, around the same time my long-time live-in girlfriend left me.
And I had recently taken in a homeless kitten and it died. (Seriously. I am not making this up! I took her to the vet the day after she came to be in my care, because she was lethargic and not very 'kittenish' at all. The vet said she was dying from malnutrition and dehydration, and that she would most likely not live. He offered to put her on an i.v. and monitor her, but the expense would have been astronomical. He said it probable wouldn't change the outcome. I did everything I could, made food and water available to her, and had a friend visit her while I was at work. The kitten only slept, did not seem to be in pain at all, and passed quietly away after about three days. Her name was Jasmine.)
Abject, lost, and alone, I needed someone or something. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about my feelings because of the shame I felt. I was a little bit self-destructive, had been smoking for a couple of years, and berated myself for it, too.
One night, I fell to my knees in the middle of my apartment. I was tired and sick and alone, and sick and tired of being alone and leading a meaningless life. I didn't like myself and I didn't like my life and I didn't know how to hold on anymore. I had always talked to God - I just wasn't sure that any God was there to listen. This time, I was desperate. I managed to come to faith - a real belief! - because I bought in to the notion that life can't have meaning apart from belief in God. I wanted my life to have meaning, so desperately. Afterwards, I felt better.
Even so, I had to investigate. Who was this God person, anyway, and why did he make it so that life was so hard? In short order, I decided to follow the path of Christianity, because I felt that Christian teaching had at least one thing right: if God was all-powerful and created everything and life has meaning then God created life for a reason. Having a reason implies having a motivation or desire, which implies having some sort of character. God must be a personal God, as I had always been told. I had reservations still, but I ignored them, thinking Christianity would be a good starting point at least, and I would learn more as I went along.
Then , Michelle called me. Michelle, a long-time friend, was different from anyone I'd ever met. Our conversations were typically infrequent, and we hadn't spoken in a long time - maybe six or eight months. She didn't know that I had broken up with my girlfriend, and I didn't know that she had broken off her engagement. I had loved Michelle since we were teenagers. I had not pursued a deeper relationship with her only because I knew her faith was so much a part of her life.
Michelle and her family had exhibited a strong faith and were seemingly stable despite having survived trials of unimaginable difficulty. They had always been - not really role models, but people with qualities that I liked and admired. They were often in my thoughts.
Michelle and her family were Messianic Jews. Instead of calling the Messiah 'Jesus,' they called him 'Yeshua,' which is a pronunciation which is closer to the original Hebrew. I visited their synagogue several times, and felt very much at home there, despite the fact that the worship style and general atmosphere were different from anything I had experienced before.
One day, the rabbi led a special prayer. While the congregation had their heads bowed, he asked for a show of hands from anyone in the congregation who felt a particularly strong burden and were in need of God's forgiveness. He asked everyone to keep their heads bowed, and assured us all that no one would see whose hands were raised. I felt that I should raise my hand. I peeked, and didn't see any raised hands. I immediately felt guilty for spying during a - well, sort of a private moment.
The Rabbi said, "I see your hand raised. And yours, yours ...." Something within me broke. I needed forgiveness. I needed assurance that my life was going to be okay. I raised my hand.
The Rabbi told us that we had agreed to let Yeshua into our hearts, and he led us in a confessional prayer. I had been to similar Christian services and been unimpressed and unaffected. This time, it was different. I prayed honestly and unreservedly. The moment I began, tears started flowing down my cheeks. I prayed that Yeshua would come into my heart. I felt a palpable, physical tingling feeling, like a wave flowing up and down my body, centered in my chest. I got saved right there late on a Saturday morning in front of a fold-up chair in a Messianic synagogue in New Jersey.
Within a few short months, I asked Michelle to marry me, and she agreed immediately. Half a year later, and it was done. The service was gorgeous (we still receive positive comments on how beautiful it was.) We incorporated Christian and Jewish elements, and it was co-officiated by Michelle's rabbi and my dad, who is a pastor.
When I confirmed what I had already suspected - that I too was Jewish - well, that was even better.
I began studying the Bible in earnest. I started reading all the religious materials which I had dismissed previously out-of-hand - creationist literature, for instance. I was taken by surprise by the seeming reasonableness of their criticisms of science and the scientific community. I started to accept the Bible as being authoritative, and came to see much of society through a fundamentalist lens .... I also studied Hebrew and Jewish thought.
Yes, I thought I had a good handle on things. We moved to the South and I returned to college, albeit late (I was twenty-seven at this point). This time I was successful. I intended to get my philosophy degree with a minor in religious studies, and prove to myself and everyone else that I was capable and thoughtful. I had a deep, deep need to figure things out, because I was still trying to figure out who this God person really was. I still had a lot of unanswered questions. Eventually, I decided I would be a Rabbi so that I could devote my life to finding the answers, and help other people find the answers they needed.
It was hard work. I worked full-time and went to school full-time. We started a family and Michelle stayed at home. We were active in a small local synagogue and a small non-denominational church. We had health problems. Looking back, I don't know how we did it all ... but this is a story that will be continued another day ....
(... To Be Continued ... (... or not. I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to be doing this anymore. Who thought that was going to last, really? Well, maybe this post will be the last post. (I mean it!)))
I had listened carefully to the sermons preached at my home church growing up, to televangelists, to friends, and to Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses who came to my door. I even listened patiently and debated half-heartedly with suited evangelists handing out tracts at the mall. I envied them a little bit. They understood exactly where they were and what they were supposed to do.
I had tried reading the Bible, prayer, transcendental meditation, and even Yoga. Some moments, I felt like I was on the verge of something important. For instance, there were times I felt as though I was floating a few inches above my chair while I was meditating. But whatever my experiences, I never knew what to make of them, really.
In the summer of 1996, I was depressed. Perhaps I've always been depressed, but at this point I was having a melt-down. I was painfully aware of mortality, and not just my own. I was thinking about pets, friends, and relatives who had died. Everyone dies. No one makes it out of this life alive. Furthermore, everything we do and build eventually crumbles into dust. Looking back at the events of my life that held the most significance for me, I found that they all involved heartache and death.
I was a complete and dismal failure. I had failed at college. I had failed to be a good son, a good brother, a good friend. My job, neither prestigious nor high-paying, had been a source of daily frustration for five or six long, tedious years. I had failed to make my life amount to something. This, despite everyone around me telling me that I had wonderful 'potential.'
I had even recently attempted, and failed at, a career of crime. After eighteen months of training and planning, I backed out of it. Years later I recognized that I had done something right and good, but at the time it just felt like I was weak. That's probably because my would-be partner in crime - my best friend, by far the smartest, most ruthless person I have ever met - didn't have a lot to do with me after I reneged. And as if that weren't enough, around the same time my long-time live-in girlfriend left me.
And I had recently taken in a homeless kitten and it died. (Seriously. I am not making this up! I took her to the vet the day after she came to be in my care, because she was lethargic and not very 'kittenish' at all. The vet said she was dying from malnutrition and dehydration, and that she would most likely not live. He offered to put her on an i.v. and monitor her, but the expense would have been astronomical. He said it probable wouldn't change the outcome. I did everything I could, made food and water available to her, and had a friend visit her while I was at work. The kitten only slept, did not seem to be in pain at all, and passed quietly away after about three days. Her name was Jasmine.)
Abject, lost, and alone, I needed someone or something. I couldn't bring myself to talk to anyone about my feelings because of the shame I felt. I was a little bit self-destructive, had been smoking for a couple of years, and berated myself for it, too.
One night, I fell to my knees in the middle of my apartment. I was tired and sick and alone, and sick and tired of being alone and leading a meaningless life. I didn't like myself and I didn't like my life and I didn't know how to hold on anymore. I had always talked to God - I just wasn't sure that any God was there to listen. This time, I was desperate. I managed to come to faith - a real belief! - because I bought in to the notion that life can't have meaning apart from belief in God. I wanted my life to have meaning, so desperately. Afterwards, I felt better.
Even so, I had to investigate. Who was this God person, anyway, and why did he make it so that life was so hard? In short order, I decided to follow the path of Christianity, because I felt that Christian teaching had at least one thing right: if God was all-powerful and created everything and life has meaning then God created life for a reason. Having a reason implies having a motivation or desire, which implies having some sort of character. God must be a personal God, as I had always been told. I had reservations still, but I ignored them, thinking Christianity would be a good starting point at least, and I would learn more as I went along.
Then , Michelle called me. Michelle, a long-time friend, was different from anyone I'd ever met. Our conversations were typically infrequent, and we hadn't spoken in a long time - maybe six or eight months. She didn't know that I had broken up with my girlfriend, and I didn't know that she had broken off her engagement. I had loved Michelle since we were teenagers. I had not pursued a deeper relationship with her only because I knew her faith was so much a part of her life.
Michelle and her family had exhibited a strong faith and were seemingly stable despite having survived trials of unimaginable difficulty. They had always been - not really role models, but people with qualities that I liked and admired. They were often in my thoughts.
Michelle and her family were Messianic Jews. Instead of calling the Messiah 'Jesus,' they called him 'Yeshua,' which is a pronunciation which is closer to the original Hebrew. I visited their synagogue several times, and felt very much at home there, despite the fact that the worship style and general atmosphere were different from anything I had experienced before.
One day, the rabbi led a special prayer. While the congregation had their heads bowed, he asked for a show of hands from anyone in the congregation who felt a particularly strong burden and were in need of God's forgiveness. He asked everyone to keep their heads bowed, and assured us all that no one would see whose hands were raised. I felt that I should raise my hand. I peeked, and didn't see any raised hands. I immediately felt guilty for spying during a - well, sort of a private moment.
The Rabbi said, "I see your hand raised. And yours, yours ...." Something within me broke. I needed forgiveness. I needed assurance that my life was going to be okay. I raised my hand.
The Rabbi told us that we had agreed to let Yeshua into our hearts, and he led us in a confessional prayer. I had been to similar Christian services and been unimpressed and unaffected. This time, it was different. I prayed honestly and unreservedly. The moment I began, tears started flowing down my cheeks. I prayed that Yeshua would come into my heart. I felt a palpable, physical tingling feeling, like a wave flowing up and down my body, centered in my chest. I got saved right there late on a Saturday morning in front of a fold-up chair in a Messianic synagogue in New Jersey.
Within a few short months, I asked Michelle to marry me, and she agreed immediately. Half a year later, and it was done. The service was gorgeous (we still receive positive comments on how beautiful it was.) We incorporated Christian and Jewish elements, and it was co-officiated by Michelle's rabbi and my dad, who is a pastor.
When I confirmed what I had already suspected - that I too was Jewish - well, that was even better.
I began studying the Bible in earnest. I started reading all the religious materials which I had dismissed previously out-of-hand - creationist literature, for instance. I was taken by surprise by the seeming reasonableness of their criticisms of science and the scientific community. I started to accept the Bible as being authoritative, and came to see much of society through a fundamentalist lens .... I also studied Hebrew and Jewish thought.
Yes, I thought I had a good handle on things. We moved to the South and I returned to college, albeit late (I was twenty-seven at this point). This time I was successful. I intended to get my philosophy degree with a minor in religious studies, and prove to myself and everyone else that I was capable and thoughtful. I had a deep, deep need to figure things out, because I was still trying to figure out who this God person really was. I still had a lot of unanswered questions. Eventually, I decided I would be a Rabbi so that I could devote my life to finding the answers, and help other people find the answers they needed.
It was hard work. I worked full-time and went to school full-time. We started a family and Michelle stayed at home. We were active in a small local synagogue and a small non-denominational church. We had health problems. Looking back, I don't know how we did it all ... but this is a story that will be continued another day ....
(... To Be Continued ... (... or not. I know, I know, I said I wasn't going to be doing this anymore. Who thought that was going to last, really? Well, maybe this post will be the last post. (I mean it!)))
Saturday, February 10, 2007
A bit of personal faith history
I recently read this blog posting by The Cranky Atheist Jew and was inspired to write a comment regarding my personal journey through faith, culminating in atheism. I'm reproducing the comment here on my own blog because, while lacking in a lot of details, it encapsulates something important about me and my history.
[Cranky Atheist Jew,] I enjoyed reading your introduction. It resonated well with me.
We seem to have a lot in common as far as our attitudes toward atheism and Judaism, although we come to our attitudes by different means, or a markedly different history.
I was raised in a protestant Christian household, and I was primarily agnostic throughout my teen years and into my early twenties. I was seeking and I had an ongoing fascination with Judaism that had started with some of my childhood experiences of interacting with Jews.
So, I was pleased when I discovered that I had a Jewish heritage through my maternal line although my family had not practiced Judaism for several generations. I discovered that one of my great-uncles had renounced Christianity and become a Rabbi, for which he had been disowned.
I eventually fell in with a group of messianic Jews by dating one - I eventually married her. The practice of their faith was characteristically Jewish, but their doctrine was akin to right-wing Christianity and included a belief in Jesus as the Jewish messiah of old-testament prophecy.
I found a lot of meaning through this faith, and it was comfortable because I was accepted by my in-laws and my own family.
I made plans to become a messianic rabbi, but I wanted to have a secular education first. I went back to college and was perversely drawn to philosophy. At first I rebelled against the implications of what I was learning, but after a point I could no longer accept what I had been taught from my messianic friends about the nature of god.
It was difficult because at this time I had started raising a family, and all of our friends were messianic Jews or sympathetic Christians. We hosted and led bible studies, and I even led shabbat services for an impoverished local Messianic Synagogue for a few months.
At first I tried to reconcile my newfound knowledge with scripture, but in the end I turned to atheism and humanism.
This caused a great strain in all my personal relationships, especially my marriage. But we have all weathered the change. One relative of mine suggested that I would return to some sort of religious faith after about two years. That has not happened, and I don't believe it ever will.
There are a lot of strange and wonderful things in the universe, but the classical theistic god-concept no longer holds any appeal.
[Cranky Atheist Jew,] I enjoyed reading your introduction. It resonated well with me.
We seem to have a lot in common as far as our attitudes toward atheism and Judaism, although we come to our attitudes by different means, or a markedly different history.
I was raised in a protestant Christian household, and I was primarily agnostic throughout my teen years and into my early twenties. I was seeking and I had an ongoing fascination with Judaism that had started with some of my childhood experiences of interacting with Jews.
So, I was pleased when I discovered that I had a Jewish heritage through my maternal line although my family had not practiced Judaism for several generations. I discovered that one of my great-uncles had renounced Christianity and become a Rabbi, for which he had been disowned.
I eventually fell in with a group of messianic Jews by dating one - I eventually married her. The practice of their faith was characteristically Jewish, but their doctrine was akin to right-wing Christianity and included a belief in Jesus as the Jewish messiah of old-testament prophecy.
I found a lot of meaning through this faith, and it was comfortable because I was accepted by my in-laws and my own family.
I made plans to become a messianic rabbi, but I wanted to have a secular education first. I went back to college and was perversely drawn to philosophy. At first I rebelled against the implications of what I was learning, but after a point I could no longer accept what I had been taught from my messianic friends about the nature of god.
It was difficult because at this time I had started raising a family, and all of our friends were messianic Jews or sympathetic Christians. We hosted and led bible studies, and I even led shabbat services for an impoverished local Messianic Synagogue for a few months.
At first I tried to reconcile my newfound knowledge with scripture, but in the end I turned to atheism and humanism.
This caused a great strain in all my personal relationships, especially my marriage. But we have all weathered the change. One relative of mine suggested that I would return to some sort of religious faith after about two years. That has not happened, and I don't believe it ever will.
There are a lot of strange and wonderful things in the universe, but the classical theistic god-concept no longer holds any appeal.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Retrospective, Prospective
I went back through the ol' archives last night. I'm happy with the quality of my writing generally; I just wish I could turn out a bit more of it! The first few months saw a fair amount of output. The past year has been sporadic, with a few good posts out there nonetheless.
Can't believe the blog has been around two years!
I don't know if I've written of it in this space previously, but my dad used to tell me: "Son, if you don't ever want to worry about making a lot of money, just major in English or Philosophy." Incidentally, his bachelor's degree is in English.
Interestingly, I predicted my current career situation during my very first month of blogging ("Amateur," January 28, 2005). Lately I've come to realize there's an element of self-fulfillment involved in that prophecy. I'll just say, I've learned a lot about myself the last year. There's been plenty of genuine hardship to boot, so I can't take upon myself all the blame. There was just no way of predicting some of the things that happened.
When I learned about the features available in the new blogger beta, I chose to convert to a private blog. When it all started, I freely and cheerfully distributed the address among my friends and family. I was secretly disappointed in the lack of response. Now I believe it quite probably that my in-laws have read it and will continue to read it. They have proven to be quite vindictive and I have no desire to have contact with them. I don't think they deserve to know anything about my family; and yet I find I do not wish to deprive myself of an outlet.
I toyed with the idea of changing the URL of the blog, but an internet search for my daughters' unusual names would undoubtedly unearth it. The only other option would be deletion, and I'm unwilling.
Here's to my new and lucrative career (whatever it might turn out to be), and to a time when I can once again publish in public, and to good blogging in the coming year!
Can't believe the blog has been around two years!
I don't know if I've written of it in this space previously, but my dad used to tell me: "Son, if you don't ever want to worry about making a lot of money, just major in English or Philosophy." Incidentally, his bachelor's degree is in English.
Interestingly, I predicted my current career situation during my very first month of blogging ("Amateur," January 28, 2005). Lately I've come to realize there's an element of self-fulfillment involved in that prophecy. I'll just say, I've learned a lot about myself the last year. There's been plenty of genuine hardship to boot, so I can't take upon myself all the blame. There was just no way of predicting some of the things that happened.
When I learned about the features available in the new blogger beta, I chose to convert to a private blog. When it all started, I freely and cheerfully distributed the address among my friends and family. I was secretly disappointed in the lack of response. Now I believe it quite probably that my in-laws have read it and will continue to read it. They have proven to be quite vindictive and I have no desire to have contact with them. I don't think they deserve to know anything about my family; and yet I find I do not wish to deprive myself of an outlet.
I toyed with the idea of changing the URL of the blog, but an internet search for my daughters' unusual names would undoubtedly unearth it. The only other option would be deletion, and I'm unwilling.
Here's to my new and lucrative career (whatever it might turn out to be), and to a time when I can once again publish in public, and to good blogging in the coming year!
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Using blog as a release or escape
Hello. My name is Snaars, and I am a blogger. I use my blog to ease the stress of daily life. I've written a lot of things I'm not proud of, but that's a fact and that's who I am.
I read somewhere that the biggest stressors are lifestyle changes, financial problems, moving, having a baby, going through a divorce, and changing jobs or careers. In the past year and a half I've openly "come out" as an atheist, graduated from college, moved twice, and changed jobs three times. Oh, and had a baby!
Probably the icing on the cake was that five-month debacle with my in-laws while we lived with them. We're still not talking to one another, and we moved out six months ago. We've done everything we can to mend relationships, to no avail. I think they are the poster children of familial dysfunction. We should have heeded the warning signs before we agreed to move in, but we just didn't know how bad they were. It really hurts that they choose to push us away - but then again, who needs people like that, anyway? I just wish we hadn't made ourselves so vulnerable, because we're sure paying for it now.
I've always had a tight budget, but this is the first time in my life that my monthly expenses have exceeded my monthly income.
The worst part is not having clear goals, other than finding a way to survive.
I'm willing to work and do whatever "it" takes - but I don't know what "it" is! My only real desire other than to provide for my family and raise my children well, is to go on to graduate school. But, I don't know how to accomplish that while we are still floundering.
I read somewhere that the biggest stressors are lifestyle changes, financial problems, moving, having a baby, going through a divorce, and changing jobs or careers. In the past year and a half I've openly "come out" as an atheist, graduated from college, moved twice, and changed jobs three times. Oh, and had a baby!
Probably the icing on the cake was that five-month debacle with my in-laws while we lived with them. We're still not talking to one another, and we moved out six months ago. We've done everything we can to mend relationships, to no avail. I think they are the poster children of familial dysfunction. We should have heeded the warning signs before we agreed to move in, but we just didn't know how bad they were. It really hurts that they choose to push us away - but then again, who needs people like that, anyway? I just wish we hadn't made ourselves so vulnerable, because we're sure paying for it now.
I've always had a tight budget, but this is the first time in my life that my monthly expenses have exceeded my monthly income.
The worst part is not having clear goals, other than finding a way to survive.
I'm willing to work and do whatever "it" takes - but I don't know what "it" is! My only real desire other than to provide for my family and raise my children well, is to go on to graduate school. But, I don't know how to accomplish that while we are still floundering.
Saturday, May 13, 2006
The mind/body connection and the soul - do they exist?
I am enjoying the interchange begun in my previous post, but the conversation is going far afield of the original topic and the thread is getting long, so I am offering everyone the opportunity to continue the discussion here.
Cyberkitten said:
I am gradually coming to the conclusion that the 'mind' as a separate entity doesn't actually exist - hence there is no "mind-brain" connection.
I didn't mean to imply that the mind has any sort of existence apart from the brain. But, the mind is not just the brain. At the very least, it is the activity that occurs in the brain.
The brain produces the 'mind' as part of the way it functions. Yes, this is more like what I mean. The mind is a product, and like any product it can be distinguished from that which produces it. When the computer is off, the software can't run.
I can think of three reasons to think that the mind is not synonymous with the brain:
First, there is something about the nature of experience which leads me to the conclusion that the mind is distinguishable from the brain.
The best way for me to explain is to use an illustration.
Think of an elephant. Imagine the big ears, the greyish, leathery skin, the prehensile trunk, etc. - imagine the most detailed elephant you can. Now, you are having what might be called an elephant-like experience in your mind.
Presumably, there is some activity occuring in your brain that corresponds to the elephant-like experience. But the activity in your brain is not experienced by you. Your experience is something HUGE, smelly, rough, hairy in some places, capable of making a trumpet-like sound. There is nothing in your physical brain that has those qualities. There's just tissue, swimming in hormones and electrolytic fluids, sparkling with electrical activity.
Secondly, I can consider in my mind things that cannot exist physically - the elements of Euclidean geometry, for instance. Points, lines, and planes cannot exist in physical space, hence they cannot exist in the brain - but I can contemplate them in my mind.
Thirdly, a brain can exist without a mind, such as when it is unconscious or dead. If the mind were just the brain alone, that wouldn't be possible.
The evidence that brain activity corresponds to our experience is so strong as to be nearly absolutely certain. Eventually, we will learn to stimulate or program the brain directly, to produce an experience in the mind. But brain activity, on the one hand, and the experience itself, on the other hand, are qualitatively different.
I think a few more words about the soul are in order, considering what was said in the last post. The term "soul", in my opinon, is a loose, general way of talking about things that we feel are essential to who we are. Perhaps it is true that there is no single, unchangeable thing that defines a person - but it doesn't follow that we have no essential qualities or characteristics.
There are activities, personality traits, values, interests, plans, and relationships I have, that make me unique and that help to define me. Any of those elements may change with experiences I have, or decisions I make. Over time, if enough of those changes occur, then I may look back at my history and say to myself, "I'm really not the same person I was." And that's okay - I don't believe any contradiction is involved - because the sense of "same" we are talking about involves NOT a mere physical continuity, but that set of characteristics that we feel makes us who we are. So, I think that even our souls are subject to change.
Cyberkitten said:
I am gradually coming to the conclusion that the 'mind' as a separate entity doesn't actually exist - hence there is no "mind-brain" connection.
I didn't mean to imply that the mind has any sort of existence apart from the brain. But, the mind is not just the brain. At the very least, it is the activity that occurs in the brain.
The brain produces the 'mind' as part of the way it functions. Yes, this is more like what I mean. The mind is a product, and like any product it can be distinguished from that which produces it. When the computer is off, the software can't run.
I can think of three reasons to think that the mind is not synonymous with the brain:
First, there is something about the nature of experience which leads me to the conclusion that the mind is distinguishable from the brain.
The best way for me to explain is to use an illustration.
Think of an elephant. Imagine the big ears, the greyish, leathery skin, the prehensile trunk, etc. - imagine the most detailed elephant you can. Now, you are having what might be called an elephant-like experience in your mind.
Presumably, there is some activity occuring in your brain that corresponds to the elephant-like experience. But the activity in your brain is not experienced by you. Your experience is something HUGE, smelly, rough, hairy in some places, capable of making a trumpet-like sound. There is nothing in your physical brain that has those qualities. There's just tissue, swimming in hormones and electrolytic fluids, sparkling with electrical activity.
Secondly, I can consider in my mind things that cannot exist physically - the elements of Euclidean geometry, for instance. Points, lines, and planes cannot exist in physical space, hence they cannot exist in the brain - but I can contemplate them in my mind.
Thirdly, a brain can exist without a mind, such as when it is unconscious or dead. If the mind were just the brain alone, that wouldn't be possible.
The evidence that brain activity corresponds to our experience is so strong as to be nearly absolutely certain. Eventually, we will learn to stimulate or program the brain directly, to produce an experience in the mind. But brain activity, on the one hand, and the experience itself, on the other hand, are qualitatively different.
I think a few more words about the soul are in order, considering what was said in the last post. The term "soul", in my opinon, is a loose, general way of talking about things that we feel are essential to who we are. Perhaps it is true that there is no single, unchangeable thing that defines a person - but it doesn't follow that we have no essential qualities or characteristics.
There are activities, personality traits, values, interests, plans, and relationships I have, that make me unique and that help to define me. Any of those elements may change with experiences I have, or decisions I make. Over time, if enough of those changes occur, then I may look back at my history and say to myself, "I'm really not the same person I was." And that's okay - I don't believe any contradiction is involved - because the sense of "same" we are talking about involves NOT a mere physical continuity, but that set of characteristics that we feel makes us who we are. So, I think that even our souls are subject to change.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
love, pizza, grief, and personal identity
Love is not one single emotion. When I say "I love pizza," I'm not saying the same thing as when I say "I love my Michelle."
How does one begin to describe a thing that means so much?
I once had a conversation with a fellow philosophy student - David, in fact. A recurring theme of our philosophic discussions has been the problem of personal identity. The issue is a complex one. In some sense, everyone who reads this today is "the same" person as when they were born. And yet, adults are not the same as children - there are many differences - so we're not the same as when we were born. How can we be - today - the same as when we were born, yet not the same as when we were born? For that matter, how can we be the same and yet not the same person as we were yesterday?
There are several very good explanations of this, and of other problems of personal identity - but I haven't read one that was entirely satisfactory.
At any rate, I expressed the opinion to David that any theory of personal identity ought to account for feelings of grief. At the time, he thought it quite odd that I should say this. "But," I said, "how can you explain that a person feels like a part of themselves has been taken away when a loved one dies? Isn't it likely that a feeling of drastic change within one's self - subjective though that feeling might be - doesn't it give us some insight into what personal identity is?"
Anyone who has personally felt, or heard vividly described, the sense of personal loss and emptiness that accompanies the death of a loved one, will appreciate what I mean. It seems reasonable that a theory of personal identity should be able to "handle" such feelings - someone's sense that they have become different, in general; and the sense of having become different as a result of losing a loved one, specifically.
We know that certain functions and capabilities of the brain - preprocessing, perception, memory, the ability to reason, motor control - are somewhat independant, being centered in distinct areas. Perhaps what we experience as consciousness is, in part, the communication that takes place between these structures within the brain.
It could be analogous to a conversation that takes place between semi-distinct yet interdependant parts. In a mentally healthy individual, it may be more like a ballet, wherein all the parts have learned to perform in coordination and with alacrity. In contrast, one who experiences cognitive dissonance may be depressed or unusually tired mentally.
So, what causes this feeling of personal change when we lose a loved one?
When we love someone deeply, we feel a kind of familiarity. We depend on that other person to provide input much like we depend on the various cognitive structures that make up our own selves. When we lose that, realizing that we won't be getting it back, we get a sense of emptiness. All the dancers can carry out their moves in concert - but the presentation is lacking, and some aspects are impossible, because a dancer is missing.
Michelle is capable of seeing things I cannot see. She understands things that I don't understand - until she explains them to me. Things that need to be done, she does when I don't have time, or the necessary inclination or imagination. She is capable of interacting with some people on a level I cannot reach.
Michelle can hold me - I can't hold myself! She can laugh at my jokes - I can't laugh at them myself! (Well, I can sometimes, but it's not nearly the same.) We made a family together - certainly couldn't have done that by myself!
Here's to you, my Michelle. You are actually my better half.
How does one begin to describe a thing that means so much?
I once had a conversation with a fellow philosophy student - David, in fact. A recurring theme of our philosophic discussions has been the problem of personal identity. The issue is a complex one. In some sense, everyone who reads this today is "the same" person as when they were born. And yet, adults are not the same as children - there are many differences - so we're not the same as when we were born. How can we be - today - the same as when we were born, yet not the same as when we were born? For that matter, how can we be the same and yet not the same person as we were yesterday?
There are several very good explanations of this, and of other problems of personal identity - but I haven't read one that was entirely satisfactory.
At any rate, I expressed the opinion to David that any theory of personal identity ought to account for feelings of grief. At the time, he thought it quite odd that I should say this. "But," I said, "how can you explain that a person feels like a part of themselves has been taken away when a loved one dies? Isn't it likely that a feeling of drastic change within one's self - subjective though that feeling might be - doesn't it give us some insight into what personal identity is?"
Anyone who has personally felt, or heard vividly described, the sense of personal loss and emptiness that accompanies the death of a loved one, will appreciate what I mean. It seems reasonable that a theory of personal identity should be able to "handle" such feelings - someone's sense that they have become different, in general; and the sense of having become different as a result of losing a loved one, specifically.
We know that certain functions and capabilities of the brain - preprocessing, perception, memory, the ability to reason, motor control - are somewhat independant, being centered in distinct areas. Perhaps what we experience as consciousness is, in part, the communication that takes place between these structures within the brain.
It could be analogous to a conversation that takes place between semi-distinct yet interdependant parts. In a mentally healthy individual, it may be more like a ballet, wherein all the parts have learned to perform in coordination and with alacrity. In contrast, one who experiences cognitive dissonance may be depressed or unusually tired mentally.
So, what causes this feeling of personal change when we lose a loved one?
When we love someone deeply, we feel a kind of familiarity. We depend on that other person to provide input much like we depend on the various cognitive structures that make up our own selves. When we lose that, realizing that we won't be getting it back, we get a sense of emptiness. All the dancers can carry out their moves in concert - but the presentation is lacking, and some aspects are impossible, because a dancer is missing.
Michelle is capable of seeing things I cannot see. She understands things that I don't understand - until she explains them to me. Things that need to be done, she does when I don't have time, or the necessary inclination or imagination. She is capable of interacting with some people on a level I cannot reach.
Michelle can hold me - I can't hold myself! She can laugh at my jokes - I can't laugh at them myself! (Well, I can sometimes, but it's not nearly the same.) We made a family together - certainly couldn't have done that by myself!
Here's to you, my Michelle. You are actually my better half.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
The party you are trying to reach ...
... is unavailable. Please check the URL you have entered, and try again later.
I shall be off the grid for a few days (at least!) so don't worry if you don't see me posting or commenting on the other blogs I frequent. We are moving in to the new apartment and then I will be looking for a second job to tide us over indefinitely.
I remember when life was boring. (No we don't!) I can't stand all this drama, and I want to put it all behind me and just get on with life. (What, are you kidding? What is life without drama? We want life to be an adventure, don't we? Are you tellings us we wants the same old routine, day after day after day? We chose to have a family, we chose to go to college, we chose to move cross-country, all because we don't wants to be like everyone elsesses!)
Ummm ... okay ... who is that? (It's us, it's us! Gollum!)
Ah. I see. Well, I'm not Smeagol, you know, I'm Snaars. Smeagol has his own blog. (We knows, we knows. We were trying to help out and, you know, gollum, gollum, be encouraging. We had the day off and didn't know what else to do.)
Thanks. You know, what you said is true. I just have to roll with it and take the bad with the good.
Jeez, I' can be such a nerd sometimes.
I shall be off the grid for a few days (at least!) so don't worry if you don't see me posting or commenting on the other blogs I frequent. We are moving in to the new apartment and then I will be looking for a second job to tide us over indefinitely.
I remember when life was boring. (No we don't!) I can't stand all this drama, and I want to put it all behind me and just get on with life. (What, are you kidding? What is life without drama? We want life to be an adventure, don't we? Are you tellings us we wants the same old routine, day after day after day? We chose to have a family, we chose to go to college, we chose to move cross-country, all because we don't wants to be like everyone elsesses!)
Ummm ... okay ... who is that? (It's us, it's us! Gollum!)
Ah. I see. Well, I'm not Smeagol, you know, I'm Snaars. Smeagol has his own blog. (We knows, we knows. We were trying to help out and, you know, gollum, gollum, be encouraging. We had the day off and didn't know what else to do.)
Thanks. You know, what you said is true. I just have to roll with it and take the bad with the good.
Jeez, I' can be such a nerd sometimes.
Friday, March 03, 2006
The interconnectedness of all things
So I was driving home from another day of work this evening, and I started thinking. A bad habit, I know, but I just can't seem to stop myself.
I was thinking about the fact that every individual has a variety of roles or functions that they play in the world. For instance, I am a father, a husband, a son, an accountant, a consumer, a teacher, a student, etc. We members of this human beehive are fairly versatile, no?
Would that this blasted thinking stuff had stopped there.
We serve vital functions within these various systems. The words "vital" and "function" lead me to compare people with the organs of a living body. I serve a vital function within my family. My liver serves a vital function within my body. Without a properly functioning liver, or some suitable replacement, I will die. I am dependant on the proper functioning of my liver. It follows, then, that my liver serves a vital function within my family. Huh? Could you read that last part again? My liver serves a vital function within my family?
This is not really profound; I think most of us have thought something like this. Why, then, does it come as such a surprise? My liver is part of me, I am part of my family, so my liver is part of my family.
Oh, thinking, stop, please!
Since we are all so connected through the various roles we play, what connections are we missing or misunderstanding that might be analogous to the connection between my liver and my family, which seemed so strange to me at first, and which now seems so natural and obvious?
We may never know, and that's the point! You can't know what you don't know, unless you think of it first. If you think of it, then it's not unknown, so you still can't know what you don't know. Damn frustrating, that.
This is what happens when our thoughts are not directed toward constructive tasks - they go in circles.
Oh, by the way: We have secured an apartment and we will be moving in a week or two. Happy day! Originally that was all I was going to write, but then I thought why not ramble on meaninglessly?
I was thinking about the fact that every individual has a variety of roles or functions that they play in the world. For instance, I am a father, a husband, a son, an accountant, a consumer, a teacher, a student, etc. We members of this human beehive are fairly versatile, no?
Would that this blasted thinking stuff had stopped there.
We serve vital functions within these various systems. The words "vital" and "function" lead me to compare people with the organs of a living body. I serve a vital function within my family. My liver serves a vital function within my body. Without a properly functioning liver, or some suitable replacement, I will die. I am dependant on the proper functioning of my liver. It follows, then, that my liver serves a vital function within my family. Huh? Could you read that last part again? My liver serves a vital function within my family?
This is not really profound; I think most of us have thought something like this. Why, then, does it come as such a surprise? My liver is part of me, I am part of my family, so my liver is part of my family.
Oh, thinking, stop, please!
Since we are all so connected through the various roles we play, what connections are we missing or misunderstanding that might be analogous to the connection between my liver and my family, which seemed so strange to me at first, and which now seems so natural and obvious?
We may never know, and that's the point! You can't know what you don't know, unless you think of it first. If you think of it, then it's not unknown, so you still can't know what you don't know. Damn frustrating, that.
This is what happens when our thoughts are not directed toward constructive tasks - they go in circles.
Oh, by the way: We have secured an apartment and we will be moving in a week or two. Happy day! Originally that was all I was going to write, but then I thought why not ramble on meaninglessly?
Saturday, December 03, 2005
personal update
I have a lot of catching up to do. I've not been able to blog regularly these last couple of months, and I've missed it.
I read a heated debate regarding the Christmas tradition on Q's 'other' blog, Ragged Glory. Q has closed the discussion to further comments, but I want to add seven words: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us!"
Life has not been without its pressures lately. The few of you who read regularly know that Michelle and I, and our daughters Simcha and Havilah, are living with Michelle's parents since late-October. I was unemployed until a week ago, and I have had strong feelings of guilt and shame for not being able to contribute to household expenses since we've moved.
The house seemed huge when we first arrived. Michelle's sister and neice also live in the house though, so there has not been a lot of room. Everyone has been great, but we have all gotten on each others' nerves at times. Sometimes we have felt like invaders in the house. My in-laws are not accustomed to living with small children, and I don't think they knew what they were in for when they agreed to let us stay. It makes me wonder how they managed when Michelle and her siblings were growing up. We have made frequent trips to visit my parents, to give everyone a break. The sooner I get a good-paying job and we can move into our own place, the better.
The job I started Monday is terrific. I feel that I'm learning quickly. I have met a lot of people, and they're all friendly, patient, respectful and professional. No one is distant or unfriendly. I think the average age of my co-workers is around 55, excluding one student intern who is around twenty. Several people have told me that it's a great place to work. I stay busy, time passes quickly, and I do not feel completely drained when it's time to go home. My only regret is that they cannot pay me enough. I will have to keep looking.
And now for the biggest news of all: Michelle is pregnant again. She's about two months along. She told me Wednesday night. I have experienced a wide range of feelings. With embarrasment, I must report that foremost among these has been fear and anger. Why should this happen now? I thought we were being careful! This birth control method SUCKS!!
I'm over all that now, and I'm feeling more and more happy and excited. I really love children. I hope it's a boy this time. We have two names picked out already:
David Adrian - if it's a boy, and
Saadiah Kathleen - if it's a girl.
Either way, I'm getting a vasectomy!!!!
I read a heated debate regarding the Christmas tradition on Q's 'other' blog, Ragged Glory. Q has closed the discussion to further comments, but I want to add seven words: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us!"
Life has not been without its pressures lately. The few of you who read regularly know that Michelle and I, and our daughters Simcha and Havilah, are living with Michelle's parents since late-October. I was unemployed until a week ago, and I have had strong feelings of guilt and shame for not being able to contribute to household expenses since we've moved.
The house seemed huge when we first arrived. Michelle's sister and neice also live in the house though, so there has not been a lot of room. Everyone has been great, but we have all gotten on each others' nerves at times. Sometimes we have felt like invaders in the house. My in-laws are not accustomed to living with small children, and I don't think they knew what they were in for when they agreed to let us stay. It makes me wonder how they managed when Michelle and her siblings were growing up. We have made frequent trips to visit my parents, to give everyone a break. The sooner I get a good-paying job and we can move into our own place, the better.
The job I started Monday is terrific. I feel that I'm learning quickly. I have met a lot of people, and they're all friendly, patient, respectful and professional. No one is distant or unfriendly. I think the average age of my co-workers is around 55, excluding one student intern who is around twenty. Several people have told me that it's a great place to work. I stay busy, time passes quickly, and I do not feel completely drained when it's time to go home. My only regret is that they cannot pay me enough. I will have to keep looking.
And now for the biggest news of all: Michelle is pregnant again. She's about two months along. She told me Wednesday night. I have experienced a wide range of feelings. With embarrasment, I must report that foremost among these has been fear and anger. Why should this happen now? I thought we were being careful! This birth control method SUCKS!!
I'm over all that now, and I'm feeling more and more happy and excited. I really love children. I hope it's a boy this time. We have two names picked out already:
David Adrian - if it's a boy, and
Saadiah Kathleen - if it's a girl.
Either way, I'm getting a vasectomy!!!!
Monday, August 08, 2005
My atheist philosophy overview
This is a continuation of a conversation begun on Mayfly's blog. Click here. Mayfly began by asking if there was something inherent about matter that drives it toward life and complexity.
This post has been bubbling about in my little brain for two weeks now. Tonight everything is frothing forth.
Q,
Let me preface this by saying that I respect your right to believe what you wish concerning these matters. I know firsthand how difficult and depressing it can be to have your entire world-view turned upside down. Like you, and Mayfly, and Arglor, I take no pleasure in undermining anyone's beliefs.
I do take pleasure in intelligent discussion and debate, and I think you do the same. I think we both value truth, even though we disagree about what is true. So I appreciate the courage you exibit in just listening to what I and others have to say, and I hope you realize it takes courage for me to lay bare my beliefs and have them openly criticized. I think that you, I, Arglor, Mayfly, and everyone that has taken part in this discussion has shown that courage.
In short, I think we are all commendable for trying to understand one another. I firmly believe that understanding must come before constructive dialogue.
Now, on to the substance. I think I understand where the miscommunication is this time. I will strive to make my points with concrete examples from now on, wherever I am able. And I will avoid all talk of turtles. ;-)
Q wrote: God is perfectly sufficient to explain the existence of the kind of complexity we have been discussing since Mayfly's original post.
You are quite right, God is sufficient to explain all kinds of instances of complexity. God can string nucleotides together all millenium long without batting an eyelash, more easily than I can assemble a child's bicycle. In this sense, you are absolutely correct.
Consider the implications of what are we saying, however, when we assert that because we don't know how something has happened, God must be responsible for it. No one was there to see how the amino acids and nucleotides formed. I don't know and you don't know; we don't know if God did it or not. One day we may figure it out, or we may never know. It doesn't follow from our lack of understanding that God had to have done it.
Suppose we can be sure that supernatural forces caused the amino acids and nucleotides to come together a certain way. If the transcendant realm does not usually interact with ours, then how do these forces cross over from that transcendant realm into our material realm, in order to coerce or manipulate matter into forms it can't (by hypothesis) take on in nature? We could assume these forces are from God, but how do we know? Are there many such transcendant realms, with other transcendant entities (angels or demons perhaps)? How do they exist? Of what do they consist? Does the transcendant realm follow laws, as our material realm seems to do? In the material world, we have noticed a marked correspondence between brain activity and human thought; is there some kind of activity in the transcendant realm that corresponds to the thoughts of transcendant beings? Do such beings even have thoughts?
There's no end to the questions we can ask about such a transcendant realm and the transcendant being/s that occupy it, and how they supposedly interact with us in the material realm. Following this train of thought, you can see that we have to introduce a whole new order of complexity, in the form of a transcendant realm and transcedant being/s, to explain just one perplexing instance of complexity, namely the formation of nucleotides and amino acid chains. Moreover, we have no good evidence for such a realm, other than the fact that we have an unexplained problem in evolutionary biology/chemistry.
On the other hand, we can investigate other options - matter and forces, physics and chemistry, things we do have some hope of understanding, because they are made up of much the same stuff as we are. We already have evidence, in the form of hundreds of years of scientific observation, hypotheses, repeated testing, and valid predictions, supporting our notions that they exist.
Q wrote: I'm building a list of challenges to a purely materialistic view of the universe:
(1) Where did matter/energy come from; or, if it is supposed to be eternal, how does that correspond to what we can observe about the universe?
(2) How did inanimate matter become living matter?
(3) How did human beings make the leap to consciousness?
(4) How do atheists adequately account for meaning and morality?
To your point 1: my understanding is that energy and matter are interchangeable and indestructible, the 2nd law notwithstanding. The 2nd law indicates that eventually no energy will be usable for work. It looks bleak, depressing even - but that doesn't mean it's not true. If it helps, there is hope in a theory according to which, as the universe expands, the unusable heat energy rarifies to a certain point, stretching space itself to the tearing point, which somehow causes another big bang (I don't know how it supposedly works). But even if this is true, the human race as we know it will be long gone. The way I see it, humanity is ignorant of many things and the future of the universe is uncertain. Personally, I like to think that our universe is one of many, but I don't think anyone knows.
To your point 2: Following fundamental, universal laws governing matter and energy, matter was arranged in complex forms, eventually culminating in life. We can observe the same kinds of reactions going on today, as the Urey-Miller experiment and other experiments show. We don't have to know every single detail and step in the process to come to this conclusion.
point 3 - I believe that over millions of years life evolved to the point of consciousness. I observe behavior in humans and other animals that indicates consciousness not unlike my own, and generally speaking the more sophisticated an animal's nervous system, the more conscious they seem to me. A plant is not conscious at all, a worm reacts to stimulii, a dog can be friendly or mean. I believe that consciousness is the product of complex biochemical and bioelectrical activity, and I believe that consciousness stops when that activity stops.
point 4 - I think that there is a rational basis for morality. I think morality arises as a consequence of physical, conscious, rational (or at least semi-rational) agents being in relationship and being able to affect one another. I believe morality is objective, not subjective, because moral rules are independant of what any moral agent or group of moral agents think or believe (even the postulated entity known as God). Morality is a consequence of what and who we are; it is not a decision made by us, and it does not issue from a higher power or plane of existence.
I think ethics stems from human nature, not God's nature. I cannot emphasize enough that this does not mean that morality is arbitrary or subjective. It means that morality is dictated by states-of-affairs in the real, physical world, and as such is flexible. What I mean by this, by way of example, is that killing is wrong when it's murder, but it's all right in self-defense. If we humans had natural body armor, it might be morally acceptable to go around hitting each other hard with baseball bats, but we're not, so it's not. It is a real, objective fact that all of our actions have consequences, and some of the consequences are good and some of them bad. Good is to be embraced and encouraged, and bad or evil is to be avoided and discouraged.
Even if God exists, I would believe the same things about ethics. I think God would abide by moral rules for the same reasons that we human beings should abide by them - because they are good. I believe that goodness is it's own reward, I don't believe that we should be threatened or cajoled by false promises into doing it.
Goodness is not God. Goodness is an abstraction, no matter how it exists, not a person. Good is good because it is beneficial to someone. Evil is evil because it harms someone, not because God arbitrarily dictates certain activities off-limits.
We all have a choice to live selfishly or to live selflessly. Most people strike a balance between the two, and I think that's good and appropriate.
Q wrote: I understand your position to be, "human existence is meaningful because humans exist."
I don't think mere existence is enough to create meaning. I think that we are able to assign meanings to things, like this string of letters that you are reading, because of our intellectual capacity to reflect on ideas and communicate. Not unlike morality, "meanings" come about by virtue of the relationships between things. Our ancestors survived by seeing relationships between things, and we instinctively look for new ways of understanding, new relationships.
Whereas I am saying that God, who transcends the material universe, and who is the source of human beings and everything else that exists — that this God validates human existence. Why doesn't God need another [validation of] her existence? Because God is existence. Whereas this material universe cannot be equated with existence. Once, it did not exist. Eventually it will once again cease to exist; or at least, all living beings will cease to exist.
In my view, validation is completely irrelevant. I know I exist - I have no good evidence that God exists, but I do have evidence that God does not exist. My own existence is a brute fact, one I cannot ignore. To me, the evidence is quite clear. I am a highly complex being, made up of constituent parts. The universe operates according to laws that humans are able to discover, and my existence is in virtue of these things that make up my body, which is me. When my body is gone, I will be gone too.
When you say that God is existence, then I must reply that when you assert that God exists, it seems to me that you are saying Existence exists. Being the totality of all that exists, God must include evil and tragedy and pain just as much as it includes good and hope and all things pleasant.
Just a few of the many reasons that people will not want to accept what I have outlined here are: 1) it means we are mortal, 2) it means our loved ones who have passed away are truly gone, 3) it means that our actions have real, irrevocable consequences 4) it means that humans are animals.
I am under no illusions that anyone will be convinced by this - I fully expect disagreement. It is my hope that by posting this I will further understanding and dialogue, and foster tolerance.
I hope this clears the air somewhat. No longer can I be accused of merely hinting around at my philosophical position. There is material here (no pun intended) for many a lengthy dialogue to come. Or, it could be the case that my theistic friends will avoid discussing these things with me from now on. If so, I understand and respect that, too.
This post has been bubbling about in my little brain for two weeks now. Tonight everything is frothing forth.
Q,
Let me preface this by saying that I respect your right to believe what you wish concerning these matters. I know firsthand how difficult and depressing it can be to have your entire world-view turned upside down. Like you, and Mayfly, and Arglor, I take no pleasure in undermining anyone's beliefs.
I do take pleasure in intelligent discussion and debate, and I think you do the same. I think we both value truth, even though we disagree about what is true. So I appreciate the courage you exibit in just listening to what I and others have to say, and I hope you realize it takes courage for me to lay bare my beliefs and have them openly criticized. I think that you, I, Arglor, Mayfly, and everyone that has taken part in this discussion has shown that courage.
In short, I think we are all commendable for trying to understand one another. I firmly believe that understanding must come before constructive dialogue.
Now, on to the substance. I think I understand where the miscommunication is this time. I will strive to make my points with concrete examples from now on, wherever I am able. And I will avoid all talk of turtles. ;-)
Q wrote: God is perfectly sufficient to explain the existence of the kind of complexity we have been discussing since Mayfly's original post.
You are quite right, God is sufficient to explain all kinds of instances of complexity. God can string nucleotides together all millenium long without batting an eyelash, more easily than I can assemble a child's bicycle. In this sense, you are absolutely correct.
Consider the implications of what are we saying, however, when we assert that because we don't know how something has happened, God must be responsible for it. No one was there to see how the amino acids and nucleotides formed. I don't know and you don't know; we don't know if God did it or not. One day we may figure it out, or we may never know. It doesn't follow from our lack of understanding that God had to have done it.
Suppose we can be sure that supernatural forces caused the amino acids and nucleotides to come together a certain way. If the transcendant realm does not usually interact with ours, then how do these forces cross over from that transcendant realm into our material realm, in order to coerce or manipulate matter into forms it can't (by hypothesis) take on in nature? We could assume these forces are from God, but how do we know? Are there many such transcendant realms, with other transcendant entities (angels or demons perhaps)? How do they exist? Of what do they consist? Does the transcendant realm follow laws, as our material realm seems to do? In the material world, we have noticed a marked correspondence between brain activity and human thought; is there some kind of activity in the transcendant realm that corresponds to the thoughts of transcendant beings? Do such beings even have thoughts?
There's no end to the questions we can ask about such a transcendant realm and the transcendant being/s that occupy it, and how they supposedly interact with us in the material realm. Following this train of thought, you can see that we have to introduce a whole new order of complexity, in the form of a transcendant realm and transcedant being/s, to explain just one perplexing instance of complexity, namely the formation of nucleotides and amino acid chains. Moreover, we have no good evidence for such a realm, other than the fact that we have an unexplained problem in evolutionary biology/chemistry.
On the other hand, we can investigate other options - matter and forces, physics and chemistry, things we do have some hope of understanding, because they are made up of much the same stuff as we are. We already have evidence, in the form of hundreds of years of scientific observation, hypotheses, repeated testing, and valid predictions, supporting our notions that they exist.
Q wrote: I'm building a list of challenges to a purely materialistic view of the universe:
(1) Where did matter/energy come from; or, if it is supposed to be eternal, how does that correspond to what we can observe about the universe?
(2) How did inanimate matter become living matter?
(3) How did human beings make the leap to consciousness?
(4) How do atheists adequately account for meaning and morality?
To your point 1: my understanding is that energy and matter are interchangeable and indestructible, the 2nd law notwithstanding. The 2nd law indicates that eventually no energy will be usable for work. It looks bleak, depressing even - but that doesn't mean it's not true. If it helps, there is hope in a theory according to which, as the universe expands, the unusable heat energy rarifies to a certain point, stretching space itself to the tearing point, which somehow causes another big bang (I don't know how it supposedly works). But even if this is true, the human race as we know it will be long gone. The way I see it, humanity is ignorant of many things and the future of the universe is uncertain. Personally, I like to think that our universe is one of many, but I don't think anyone knows.
To your point 2: Following fundamental, universal laws governing matter and energy, matter was arranged in complex forms, eventually culminating in life. We can observe the same kinds of reactions going on today, as the Urey-Miller experiment and other experiments show. We don't have to know every single detail and step in the process to come to this conclusion.
point 3 - I believe that over millions of years life evolved to the point of consciousness. I observe behavior in humans and other animals that indicates consciousness not unlike my own, and generally speaking the more sophisticated an animal's nervous system, the more conscious they seem to me. A plant is not conscious at all, a worm reacts to stimulii, a dog can be friendly or mean. I believe that consciousness is the product of complex biochemical and bioelectrical activity, and I believe that consciousness stops when that activity stops.
point 4 - I think that there is a rational basis for morality. I think morality arises as a consequence of physical, conscious, rational (or at least semi-rational) agents being in relationship and being able to affect one another. I believe morality is objective, not subjective, because moral rules are independant of what any moral agent or group of moral agents think or believe (even the postulated entity known as God). Morality is a consequence of what and who we are; it is not a decision made by us, and it does not issue from a higher power or plane of existence.
I think ethics stems from human nature, not God's nature. I cannot emphasize enough that this does not mean that morality is arbitrary or subjective. It means that morality is dictated by states-of-affairs in the real, physical world, and as such is flexible. What I mean by this, by way of example, is that killing is wrong when it's murder, but it's all right in self-defense. If we humans had natural body armor, it might be morally acceptable to go around hitting each other hard with baseball bats, but we're not, so it's not. It is a real, objective fact that all of our actions have consequences, and some of the consequences are good and some of them bad. Good is to be embraced and encouraged, and bad or evil is to be avoided and discouraged.
Even if God exists, I would believe the same things about ethics. I think God would abide by moral rules for the same reasons that we human beings should abide by them - because they are good. I believe that goodness is it's own reward, I don't believe that we should be threatened or cajoled by false promises into doing it.
Goodness is not God. Goodness is an abstraction, no matter how it exists, not a person. Good is good because it is beneficial to someone. Evil is evil because it harms someone, not because God arbitrarily dictates certain activities off-limits.
We all have a choice to live selfishly or to live selflessly. Most people strike a balance between the two, and I think that's good and appropriate.
Q wrote: I understand your position to be, "human existence is meaningful because humans exist."
I don't think mere existence is enough to create meaning. I think that we are able to assign meanings to things, like this string of letters that you are reading, because of our intellectual capacity to reflect on ideas and communicate. Not unlike morality, "meanings" come about by virtue of the relationships between things. Our ancestors survived by seeing relationships between things, and we instinctively look for new ways of understanding, new relationships.
Whereas I am saying that God, who transcends the material universe, and who is the source of human beings and everything else that exists — that this God validates human existence. Why doesn't God need another [validation of] her existence? Because God is existence. Whereas this material universe cannot be equated with existence. Once, it did not exist. Eventually it will once again cease to exist; or at least, all living beings will cease to exist.
In my view, validation is completely irrelevant. I know I exist - I have no good evidence that God exists, but I do have evidence that God does not exist. My own existence is a brute fact, one I cannot ignore. To me, the evidence is quite clear. I am a highly complex being, made up of constituent parts. The universe operates according to laws that humans are able to discover, and my existence is in virtue of these things that make up my body, which is me. When my body is gone, I will be gone too.
When you say that God is existence, then I must reply that when you assert that God exists, it seems to me that you are saying Existence exists. Being the totality of all that exists, God must include evil and tragedy and pain just as much as it includes good and hope and all things pleasant.
Just a few of the many reasons that people will not want to accept what I have outlined here are: 1) it means we are mortal, 2) it means our loved ones who have passed away are truly gone, 3) it means that our actions have real, irrevocable consequences 4) it means that humans are animals.
I am under no illusions that anyone will be convinced by this - I fully expect disagreement. It is my hope that by posting this I will further understanding and dialogue, and foster tolerance.
I hope this clears the air somewhat. No longer can I be accused of merely hinting around at my philosophical position. There is material here (no pun intended) for many a lengthy dialogue to come. Or, it could be the case that my theistic friends will avoid discussing these things with me from now on. If so, I understand and respect that, too.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Five Fond Memories
I've been "tagged" to write about five things I miss from childhood. I found this to be a difficult assignment. At first, I could think of nothing. Then, memories came back one by one; then each memory led to another and another and three more.... Some of the memories were good and some not-so-good. Many of my memories made me sad, not because they were bad memories, but because of the feelings of longing they evoked. I had trouble narrowing this list down to only five things.
Here are the rules. PARTICIPATION IS VOLUNTARY. Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross-pollination effect.
I nominate the following people to participate (there's no obligation and I won't be offended if you choose not to do so):
Arglor
and
Arglor
and
Arglor.
(I would have nominated Mayfly, but I know she's been super-busy with serious writing lately. I would have nominated Q, but he's already been nominated by Mary P. I would have nominated Ron, but I know he has no time to write. I would have nominated Patrick, but I know his blog is pretty much a photo blog. Tag, Arglor - you're it.)
I am still accepting submissions for the Name My Blog competition - go ahead and add any more titles in the comments on the previous post.
- Each summer, my sister JoAnne and I would spend two weeks with grandparents - the first week with one set of grandparents, and the second week with the other set. I have so many memories from these vacations, I can't possible count them all. I remember Grandpop (my dad's father), and how JoAnne and I would "steal his spot" by sitting in his favorite chair. We would laugh gleefully as he dragged us off and tickled us mercilessly. It took him a long time to get his spot back, because as soon as he dragged one of us off, the other sat down, and we would take turns like that. Every evening after dinner, we would sit there and taunt him: "Grandpop, we're sitting in your spo-ot!"
My grandmom (my dad's mom) would cook these enormous dinners. She taught us to say "when" when she had put enough food on our plate. But we would say "when," and then she would put one or two or three more spoonfulls on the plate of whatever it was she was serving. If we complained, she would explain that she didn't want any leftovers in the fridge. I don't know why it didn't occur to her to cook less food than she did. It was no use to say "when" right away; she always just put these huge mounds on the plate. Then she tried to make us feel guilty if we didn't eat everything. I hated wasting the food - it was usually delicious - but I just couldn't eat it all! I was a small kid.
My Grandma (mom's mom) didn't try to force us to eat big meals; we always had healthy snacks around, and we could help ourselves whenever we wanted. There was always this HUGE yellow jar full of thick, hard, salty pretzels; and the most delicious fresh fruit, like white grapes, and peaches so ripe the juice would run down our chins. And we had a little bowl of ice cream or sherbet every night before bedtime.
My Granddad (mom's dad) took us on long walks around town. We became very familiar with that neighborhood over the years; but our favorite walk was across the bridge. We would stare down at the water rushing far below, and when it was clear we could see the fish. Also, Granddad was one of the first drivers for Meals on Wheels - a program by which invalids and shut-ins had hot meals delivered to their homes - and my sister and I would go with him to see the "old people."
Those summers were wonderful. We saw a lot of other relatives too - aunts, uncles, cousins. I could write for days. I think I've already fulfilled the requirements of this writing exercise, and then some; so I'll keep the rest short. - I miss the pets I had growing up: Max, our dog; and Shadow, Stripes, and Dancer, all cats.
- Old friends. Holly, my very first friend and neighbor - the last time I saw her, I was four years old. I remember at that young age comprehending that I was never going to see her again. I tried to explain to her that my family was moving away, and she didn't understand. I don't know where any of my childhood friends are today. I know how to get in touch with only one of my high school classmates.
- Gummy bears. Chewy, soft, flavorful. My sister and I would walk to our local drugstore and buy them by the half-pound. Then we would come home and "pig out." I liked to bite the head off of one, then bite the body off of another, and then stick the mis-matched bear parts together to make a kind of Frankenstein gummy bear. They were the original gummy candy. Today they're just not the same.
- I miss the sidewalk in front of the house I lived in as a child in New Jersey. I knew every crevice, crack, and stone in that length of sidewalk. I learned to rollerskate, ride a bike, and wield the biggest magnifying glass to be found in the neighborhood, on that length of concrete. I knew every bit of ground for a mile around that house, and more, but I knew the sidewalk best. I was a lot closer to the ground then.
Here are the rules. PARTICIPATION IS VOLUNTARY. Remove the blog at #1 from the following list and bump every one up one place; add your blog's name in the #5 spot; link to each of the other blogs for the desired cross-pollination effect.
I nominate the following people to participate (there's no obligation and I won't be offended if you choose not to do so):
Arglor
and
Arglor
and
Arglor.
(I would have nominated Mayfly, but I know she's been super-busy with serious writing lately. I would have nominated Q, but he's already been nominated by Mary P. I would have nominated Ron, but I know he has no time to write. I would have nominated Patrick, but I know his blog is pretty much a photo blog. Tag, Arglor - you're it.)
I am still accepting submissions for the Name My Blog competition - go ahead and add any more titles in the comments on the previous post.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
The Man in the Glass
Michelle and I live in the house that my grandparents on my father's side lived in before they passed away. The six of us grandkids affectionately called my grandfather 'Grandpop'. The following poem was special to him. He had copies of it framed and hung about the house, and now several members of my family have adopted it as expressing words to live by. The language strikes me as being distinctly of the World War Two era. Grandpop was a veteran of that war and was a prisoner of the Germans in Stalag Luft 1 located in Barth, Germany. As was typical of the men who served at that time, he never spoke of his experiences. We didn't understand that phase of his life while he was with us. During these last few years, more and more has come to light. As that generation dwindles, I and others are becoming ever more appreciative of their contributions, and their sacrifices. This is for Grandpop:
The Man In The Glass.
When you get what you want in your struggles for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people might think you're a straight-shooting chum
And call you a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.
Popular Adaptation of "The Guy In The Mirror"
by Dale Wimbrow
P.S. I apologize for not keeping up with e-mails and blogging. I want all the snaars fans out there to know that if I am slow to respond, don't think I'm ignoring you. (It could be the case that I'm ignoring you, actually, but just don't think that I am, okay? I'll feel better about myself if you continue to have faith that I'm an all-around fantastic and together dude.)
And don't forget to click on some google ads every time you visit, you drooling consumerist automotae!
The Man In The Glass.
When you get what you want in your struggles for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass,
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people might think you're a straight-shooting chum
And call you a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the guy in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.
Popular Adaptation of "The Guy In The Mirror"
by Dale Wimbrow
P.S. I apologize for not keeping up with e-mails and blogging. I want all the snaars fans out there to know that if I am slow to respond, don't think I'm ignoring you. (It could be the case that I'm ignoring you, actually, but just don't think that I am, okay? I'll feel better about myself if you continue to have faith that I'm an all-around fantastic and together dude.)
And don't forget to click on some google ads every time you visit, you drooling consumerist automotae!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Thirty-two today.
I've had a makeover. I feel like "The Swan".
Happy Birthday to me. Happy birthday to me.
Hm hm hm hm
hm hm hm
Happy Birthday to me.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
More ethical nonsense.
I found another interesting ethical philosophy survey.
My Results:
1. Jean-Paul Sartre (100%)
2. John Stuart Mill (92%)
3. Ayn Rand (85%)
4. Nietzsche (83%)
5. Epicureans (80%)
6. Kant (80%)
7. Thomas Hobbes (80%)
8. Jeremy Bentham (79%)
9. David Hume (76%)
10. Cynics (67%)
11. Prescriptivism (67%)
12. Stoics (67%)
13. Nel Noddings (55%)
14. Aquinas (47%)
15. Spinoza (43%)
16. Ockham (41%)
17. Aristotle (40%)
18. Plato (32%)
19. St. Augustine (25%)
My Results:
1. Jean-Paul Sartre (100%)
2. John Stuart Mill (92%)
3. Ayn Rand (85%)
4. Nietzsche (83%)
5. Epicureans (80%)
6. Kant (80%)
7. Thomas Hobbes (80%)
8. Jeremy Bentham (79%)
9. David Hume (76%)
10. Cynics (67%)
11. Prescriptivism (67%)
12. Stoics (67%)
13. Nel Noddings (55%)
14. Aquinas (47%)
15. Spinoza (43%)
16. Ockham (41%)
17. Aristotle (40%)
18. Plato (32%)
19. St. Augustine (25%)
Totally wrong, but interesting ...
 | You scored as Existentialist. Existentialism emphasizes human capability. There is no greater power interfering with life and thus it is up to us to make things happen. Sometimes considered a negative and depressing world view, your optimism towards human accomplishment is immense. Man is condemned to be free and must accept the responsibility.
What is Your World View? created with QuizFarm.com |
Friday, March 11, 2005
On My Island:
A Poem of Philosophy
Written Before the Exam
by Michael Schnaars
On my island
Metalinguistic assessments
Turn propositions into p’s;
I see native axioms earn possibilities;
Flowering quantifiers restrict
Over oceanic variables pelagic sets of T’s and F’s;
In fertile (quick)sand modalities
My church of trees, abstract ontologies;
Fruitful Gettier fern epi-stems rise
Potentialized, actualized,
Platonized, nominalized,
Structuralized, analyzed,
Syllogized and derived;
If _ then
Or
And Not.
Cautious white sun beams unblemished
At the stream of reason
On the altar of truth (and falsity)
By the Cave existentially challenged
I bask and slowly unwind.
Written Before the Exam
by Michael Schnaars
On my island
Metalinguistic assessments
Turn propositions into p’s;
I see native axioms earn possibilities;
Flowering quantifiers restrict
Over oceanic variables pelagic sets of T’s and F’s;
In fertile (quick)sand modalities
My church of trees, abstract ontologies;
Fruitful Gettier fern epi-stems rise
Potentialized, actualized,
Platonized, nominalized,
Structuralized, analyzed,
Syllogized and derived;
If _ then
Or
And Not.
Cautious white sun beams unblemished
At the stream of reason
On the altar of truth (and falsity)
By the Cave existentially challenged
I bask and slowly unwind.
Saturday, March 05, 2005
the cosmic wheel
A bit of wisdom I read today:
Somewhere along the line I became a cautious person. I didn't trust many people. I didn't trust what I had previously understood.
I have tried many different ways of knowing things. I grew up in a church and even though I had reservations about the existence of God I was influenced by a group of people who had convictions and desires to better the world for themselves and others. My interests in high school were physics, mathematics, and music, and I understood the world through these things, especially physics. Ever since high school I was interested in "Eastern" religions. I started practicing meditation when I was sixteen or seventeen. At some point I decided there was a god, because the world didn't seem to make sense otherwise. I tried looking at the world as a grand contest between good and evil. I think it was my interest in religious understanding that drew me to philosophy.
Through my study of philosophy I have learned that the universe is a weird and wild place. It is strange and wonderful and nothing like what it seems on the face of it. Most things are not what we think they are. Now I think that - god or no god - the universe is not an easy thing of which to make sense. On the whole I think the evidence points to there not being a god, but it doesn't seem to make that much difference to me anymore, really.
This is not a world in which good decisions are easy. But since time marches on, we have to do the best we can with what we've got, knowing that along the way we are getting things wrong.
Life cannot wait until the sciences may have explained the universe scientifically. We cannot put off living until we are ready. The most salient characteristic of life is its coerciveness: it is always urgent, "here and now" without any possible postponement. Life is fired at us point blank.This quote is telling me that there is not always time to analyze everything in the minutest detail. We must make decisions, whether we are ready or not.
Jose Ortega y Gasset
Somewhere along the line I became a cautious person. I didn't trust many people. I didn't trust what I had previously understood.
I have tried many different ways of knowing things. I grew up in a church and even though I had reservations about the existence of God I was influenced by a group of people who had convictions and desires to better the world for themselves and others. My interests in high school were physics, mathematics, and music, and I understood the world through these things, especially physics. Ever since high school I was interested in "Eastern" religions. I started practicing meditation when I was sixteen or seventeen. At some point I decided there was a god, because the world didn't seem to make sense otherwise. I tried looking at the world as a grand contest between good and evil. I think it was my interest in religious understanding that drew me to philosophy.
Through my study of philosophy I have learned that the universe is a weird and wild place. It is strange and wonderful and nothing like what it seems on the face of it. Most things are not what we think they are. Now I think that - god or no god - the universe is not an easy thing of which to make sense. On the whole I think the evidence points to there not being a god, but it doesn't seem to make that much difference to me anymore, really.
This is not a world in which good decisions are easy. But since time marches on, we have to do the best we can with what we've got, knowing that along the way we are getting things wrong.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
