recent goings-on

For those who are interested:

I regret not posting anything lately. I regret the very negative tone of the last post.

I take that back. I don't regret the last post. I regret not posting anything positive since then.

Okay, this post is going to ramble a little bit because I don't have time enough to make it really nice and orderly. There's really no reason for anyone to read this unless they are particularly concerned about my life. I know there are a few friends - snaars fans, if you will - who wait with bated breath, yearning for more pearls of wisdom. They will be pleased to know that yours truly, and the entire snaars clan, are alive and well, and that I may actually deign to make a real entry (!) now and again.

Nothing much has changed. The in-laws have been much nicer lately. We are paranoid that the situation could turn right around again any day. We don't have much stability in that regard.

We have gone apartment-hunting this past week, and we turned in an application today. I don't have much hope that our application will be accepted because rents are so high here. It's bad when you are spending 55% of your take-home pay in rent.

I applied to Teach for America. They don't accept just anyone, so I am counting on getting in. (Insert pause for effect here.)

I'm pretty sure they will accept me, it's just that I'm also sure I'm the only applicant who is desperate for a job. Most people who do it, do it because it's a noble cause. Me, I agree that it's for a noble cause. It's a cause I agree with and I will be very glad to be doing it. But, I would feel a lot more noble if I were choosing from a wide array of options available to me.

Michelle has decided on a home birth for our third baby. We saw the midwife a little over a week ago and we are feeling very secure and happy about it. We are assured that if we still do not have a home when the baby comes, then we can use the midwife's. We also made an appointment with a doctor for a consultation. We are all really excited and pleased.

Simcha asks questions all the time about the baby. We splurged and ate lunch at a Chinese food restaurant today. We decided to use chopsticks, and it was the first time for Simcha and Havilah. Simcha held hers up and asked Michelle, "Does the baby does use sticks, Mommy?"

Michelle told her that no, the baby does not use chopsticks.

"Oh. Cause the baby could use little sticks," Simcha asserted.

But Simcha, how would the baby get the sticks?

Oh, right. Emphtically: "No, the baby doesn't use sticks!" Takes a bit to convince her sometimes.

Well, that's all for now.

Settled. Not!

Quite unsettled, actually. It's been the awfulest move ever. I would like to tell you a cheery tale of sunshine and roses, but I have committed myself to remaining true to you, my faithful readers. I know that Snaars fans are happy, well-adjusted folk, who would never want to read about such unpleasant things as tearful goodbyes, a brake pedal held up by a bungee cord, interminable car rides, belongings that smell of gasoline, unemployment, officious bank tellers, and mounting bills.

So I'll skip all that and tell you how we're doing now.

I and Michelle and our two darlings live in a room in the home of Michelle's parents. Most of our things are in storage.

I was hoping to have a job about two weeks after moving in. We passed the two-week mark Friday night and I have no job, despite having disseminated dozens of resumees. ('Disseminated' here means I gave the resumes out to prospective employers.) Our money is quickly running out and I wonder how I am going to pay bills at the end of the month. *

I did have a job interview with a temporary agency. They specialize in finance and accounting. I have very little experience in that area but I passed some testing with flying colors. I was told that there is a place for me within their organization, but it might be two to three weeks.

Our families have been utterly fantastic. My parents flew down and helped us pack the truck and drive up north. And they paid for everything.

Michelle's family has made us feel perfectly at home. Their house is quite large enough for everyone (there are eight of us altogether). I just don't like being dependant.

My spirits are high. I breathe easier here. I had forgotten what it felt like to be able to breathe through my nose all night long. In Louisiana my allergies caused me to be stuffed up all the time. I still have allergies here, but it just makes my eyes water a bit.

We're planning to visit my parents sometime this week, and I hope to make it to New York City this weekend to visit Da- er, Arglor and Mayfly.

I haven't been happier in years. Look to my photoblog soon for some pics I took at a park today.

* P.S. Bonus points to anyone who can figure out what book series I recently began reading.

Countdown

Well friends (if anyone's still reading),

I wish I had found more time to write lately. There's been no shortage of things to write about; i just haven't had the time.

I'm packing up the computer and I don't know when I'll be able to resume blogging. There's just so much to do.

What we've done, basically, is tear down our lives in order to build new ones in Delaware - or wherever we end up ... could be Maryland or Pennsylvania.

I'm currently unemployed. They had a great going-away party for me at work. That was touching. I'll have no shortage of good references, anyway.

My parents are arriving at the Lafayette airport around 4 this afternoon. Tomorrow we pick up the moving truck and load it. Wednesday morning we start driving. We will arrive Friday afternoon at the home of my in-laws, which will be our home until we can make better arrangements.

It's all about family and the ones we love. Life is good. Fresh starts are good. We'll miss the ones we leave behind.

Wish us luck, friends. We'll "see" you after we get settled.

Delaware

I visited Delaware a few times when I lived in Pennsylvania. There are a lot of scenic places there. I've been to Rehoboth beach; it is a beautiful place. The more I think about it, the more I'm looking forward to moving.

We are going to try to save enough money to move in early October. After that and we risk really, really cold weather. Moving in the bitter cold is not fun. And, after 6.5 yrs living in south Louisiana, I'm acclimated to the heat and humidity. The temperature here rarely dips much below freezing in the winter.

I'm not sure where we will live exactly, but it will be near the northern tip, in the Wilmington/Newark area. The trip will be about 1300 miles. We will drive through Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia (just a little), Tennessee, Virginia, and Maryland on the way. The road time will be about 26 hours.

Twenty Delaware facts (now with BONUS editorial comments!)*:

• Henry Hudson sailed his storied ship, the Half Moon, up Delaware Bay in 1609, becoming the first European known to have visited the area.


• Dutch leader Peter Minuit, employed by Sweden, brought settlers in two ships to what is now Wilmington in 1638.


• Swedish settlers here introduced the log cabin to American shores. (Shores, this is a log cabin. Log cabin, shores.)


• In 1655, New Amsterdam Governor Peter Stuyvesant brought a large fleet to the area, captured all of New Sweden for the Dutch, and ended Swedish rule in America.


• Delaware was the only colony to have been claimed by Sweden, Holland, and England.


• When a ship carrying peas wrecked on a sandbar, the peas grew and collected so much sand that a new island formed, now Pea Patch Island.


• Johan Prinz, capable governor of New Sweden from 1643 to 1653, was the "greatest" of all colonial governors. He weighed 400 pounds and was called the "Big Tub."


• Named for Lord De La Warr, early governor of Virginia; the name was first applied to the river, then to the Indian tribe (Lenni-Lenape) and to the state.


• When Shadrach Cannon of Seaford was bitten by a rabid dog, some of the town's best citizens were selected to smother him to death between two feather beds, in an early mercy killing. (Gruesome! Asphyxiation is a "mercy" killing?)


• In 1776, although he was seriously ill, Caesar Rodney, a member of the Continental Congress, made a famous ride from Wilmington, Delaware, to Philadelphia in order to cast the deciding vote for the Declaration of Independence.


• Delaware is known as the "First State" to ratify the US constitution.


• A 1978 order of the U.S. Supreme Court permitted the busing of children from Wilmington to the suburbs to promote racial integration. The decision was a landmark for the establishment of this practice.


• Today, Delaware is both a farming and an industrial region and leads the nation in the production of chemicals. (Yummy! Chemicals!)


• More corporations are headquartered in Delaware than in any other state as a result of its corporate laws. (Sociopathic corporate-type ladder-climber that I am, this will be like heaven!)


• Delaware is the second smallest state in the US. (Rhode Island is the smallest. I've lived there too, by the way.)


• total area: 2,397 sq. mi. (6208 sq. km.)


• land area: 1,955 sq. mi. (5063 sq. km.)


• Length: 100 mi.; width: 30 mi. (length: 161 km.; width 48 km.) (I did all these conversions from miles to kilometers myself. You see, I care about all the snaars fans, not just the De La Warrians. Delaware-ites. Delawarese?)


• Population (2000 proj.): 763,000


• The lotus plants found here have led some specialists to believe that the region may have been visited by early Egyptian explorers.

* Bonus comments added 6/22/05. Most of the comments were there already. Sorry to get you excited.

It's decided ...

We will move north to Delaware. Lots to consider. Long-distance move. No money. No job when I get there. Still not sure what I'm qualified to do, outside of purchasing, which I don't like. Maybe I could get a master's degree in counseling and do that. What will I do to support the family in the meantime?

Have to contact the rest of the family, let them know, and see if I can get some advice.

Looks like we'll live with the in-laws for a while. What should we do with all our stuff? Bring it or sell it? My mind's still reeling.

Ungodly

Yesterday morning I organized and retrieved some financial documents. Then I and my family trekked on over to a bank that was recommended to me, so that we could apply for pre-approval on a home mortgage. "Mortgage" has an interesting etymology. It is compounded from the Middle English/Germanic "mort" and "gage". "Gage" signifies "something deposited as a pledge of performance." "Mort" of course, means "unto the death." Thus we see how bankers and other professionals disguise their true intentions by using old words in dead languages, the meanings of which everyone outside their profession has long since ceased to think about.

It also proves undeniably the truism that common sense is in shorter and shorter supply with each successive generation. It's patently obvious. I mean, look at these kids we have coming out of the the high schools today! None of these young cashiers know how to make change or speak proper American. Everything with the hizzle drizzle my bizzle? And they don't know fashion; the girls look like hobos and the boys look like prostitutes. All they do is play their - what is it - Atari Nintendo videos all day long. That or get themselves into trouble doing the crystal meth. And they act like idiots on the road, racing around with their car stereos thumpety-thump-thumping and their hands waving out all of the windows. Morons.

Anyway, I can just imagine the ghost of my great-great-great-something ancestor (let's call him Uncle Zebekiah) hovering over my shoulder in the bank office. "Stupid boy," he thunders. "What couldst thou be thinking? Thou wouldst do best to secret away thine earnings for the proper time. Why sellest thine family and thine self unto interminable servitude and death? Usury! Usurist," he accuses, pointing to the account representative. I don't think "usurist" is a real word, but you must forgive Uncle Zeb because he only had a third grade education. By the way, we couldn't hear him or see him because he's in the land of the undead and all. (I hope that goes without saying, but you never know with blog readers.)

Maria, the friendly account representative, asked us some questions. "What vehicles do you own? Do you currently own any real estate or other property, that could be used as collateral ...?"

("Harlot," screamed Uncle Zeb. "What manner of dress is this for a woman? Gods, where is thy husband?) We explained that we are first-time prospective home buyers.

"What are your other debts? Have you ever defaulted on a loan? Ever been convicted of a felony? Ever declared bankruptcy ..."

("Licensious unholy wench! Slanderer!) No, we have never done any of those things.

"Now," said Maria, putting down her pen and smiling kindly. "I'll need to see your bank statements for the past two months, and copies of your tax returns and W2's for the past two years."

("Gossip! Pryer into others' affairs," spluttered Uncle Zeb.)

"I'll need to go make copies of these. I'll be a few minutes," said Maria. "Say, do your kids like to draw?" With a little twinkle, she presented two notepads and pens, which we accepted with great relief. Since we hurried in because of the rain, we forgot to bring toys, and the girls were driving us crazy.

("Oh, right! Wrangle thy way into the good graces of these innocents!") I won't bother with the rest of what good ol' Uncle Zeb said, because at this point all his speech degraded into incoherence; eventually he gave up and wandered off to sulk behind a potted plant.

While Maria was gone Michelle and I looked at one another. "Are you okay," I asked her, "You look nervous."

"Aren't you," she asked. "We've never done anything like this before."

I squeezed her hand and smiled reassuringly, but I too was nervous. I kept having this uneasy, irrational feeling that I was leading my family into ruin and ... damnation? Was that a hint of, of brimstone in the air?

"Dear," I said, "whatever happens, happens."

"Really," she asked. I melt when she looks at me like that.

"Of course!" I explained that really what I had just said was a tautology and logically true.

She got that distant look she gets when she is not a hundred percent certain she has understood what I have said, and furthermore, she suspects that if she did understand it, she wouldn't like it. She is unsure whether she should bother trying to figure it out, and instead wonders why I insist on doing this to her when all she really needs is a shred of a shadow of a hint that there is some purpose or intention behind all that we have been doing these eight years, two months, and two days since we were wed. She just wants some sense of security.

I relented as soon as I realized the gravity of her mood. "Darling, we will hear what they have to tell us, and then go from there. We're not committed to anything." We smile at one another.

I look at the clock on Maria's desk. It's one of those clocks that are given out at office parties in recognition of long-standing good service to the company. It's made of crystal or glass or acrylic, and silver, and there's a little engraved plaque on it.

I have a feeling in my bones as though I am disappointing someone, somewhere. I smell sweat and tears and smoke far off. I ask myself if I've done the best I could, and if I've made the best plans. I haven't, of course. No one does.

In the grand scheme each of our lives is insignificant. I know this. Not one thing we can ever hope to do will have any kind of lasting impact on this great spinning universe, with its huge whirling pinprick suns and its vast cosmic oceans of black twisted emptiness. Our lives will be short and our names will not be remembered. Governments and nations will be built and they will crumble, as will the entire planet one day. And it is unbelievably, profoundly important that we do our very best in everything we undertake.

As troubling as these moments are, they are what keep me alive and keen. Whatever comes, I know I must meet the challenge with my best. And I love those whom I love, and those who love me love me, regardless of whether I succeed or fail. And I try to feel everything, clinging to as many moments as I possibly can, sharing as much of myself as possible with those around me.