12 reasons to reject the dangerous homosexual agenda

courtesy of the GSA:

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.
2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.
3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.
4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears's 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.
5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn't changed at all: women are property, Blacks can't marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.
6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.
7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That's why we only have one religion in America.
8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.
9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.
10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That's why single parents are forbidden to raise children.
11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven't adapted to cars or longer lifespans.
12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a "separate but equal" institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

See also: Do you think you may be straight? (Oh my god - as if being an atheist wasn't enough - am I straight, too?)

TCPS, proud member since 2004

Cone Friend

One day while jogging down the street,
I stopped to rest my weary feet,
Beneath a tree I saw a sight,
That filled my heart with joy and light,
A cone! A beautiful cone stood tall,
Waiting for me to call,
And lead him to our little home,
And stay with us and never roam,
Our hearts have been happy, our spirits always soar,
Ever since that little angel came through our door.

The preceding poem was found on "The Snarson's" family home page. Is the similarity of name mere coincidence? Or could it be yet another glimpse into the divine and infinitely labarynthian plan of the snaars?

Elegant Snaarsiverse

I bought Brian Greene's best-selling popular science novel, "The Elegant Universe: Superstrings, Hidden Dimensions, and the Quest for the Ultimate Theory" today.

Hopefully, I'll have something both philosophical and irrelevant to say about string theory after reading the book. But first off, let me say that string theory is really a fool's quest, and here's why:

String theory is touted as the explain-everything model that will reconcile general relativity with quantum theory. For those who are unfamiliar, quantum mechanics is about the smallest things we know about in physics, and general relativity is about medium- and large-sized objects (like bugs, apples, cars, planets, and stars) on up to the ungeblievagly engormous things (like black holes and galaxies.) The theories of quantum mechanics and general relativity, taken together, explain just about everything observable about the physical universe, but they are mutually exclusive - they can't both be right.

String theory posits the existence of zero-point, one-dimensional structures called "strings," which vibrate through precisely eleven dimensions, and from which emerge matter and the forces familiar to modern physics: gravity, electromagnetism, and the strong and weak nuclear forces.

String theory, so far (to my admittedly meager knowledge), doesn't predict anything that is observable - but it does seem to be able to unify quantum mechanics and general relativity.

If I were a professional philosopher of science, I might characterize string theory as a reductionist theory, meaning that it attempts to explain all phenomena by appealing to one, or a very few, fundamental phenomena, forces, particles, or kinds of things (the last phrase being deliberately vague.)

Anyway, let's cut to the chase, shall we? The truth is, string theory is bullshit when - huh, obviously - the universe is composed not of strings, but - DUH - little bitty snaarsisms, quivering their way through the universal ovoid, imbuing space itself with hyper-optional potentiality.

I can teach you all the Way of the snaars, by which you too can know the truth of these things.

Good v. Evil: Narcissism v. Snaarsissism

Narcissism (from "Abstract Concepts"):

Narcissism is a set of character traits concerned with self-admiration, self-centeredness and self-regard...in Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... the patient overestimates his abilities and has an excessive need for admiration and affirmation ...

Some sources suggest that narcissistic personality disorder may be an infantile, defensive personality structure ...

... may be a maladaptive defense of the ... emotional splitting, resultant cognitive distortions, and negative/hostile worldview ...

... yadayadayada, something something.

In a world in which live such people, now more than ever is needed the snaars.

A Millenialissistic Visitation

Having withheld my snaarsissistic blessings for what I have calculated precisely to be just the right amount of time, I hereby deign and design to impart and bestow grandiose words of opportune importunity.

No longer will I the silence, endured by so many and long, and so fortunately, be the purveyor of **.

It's been months since I've written anything substantive. That's because, in my incalculable wisdom, I find that long, drawn-out expectancy makes the precipitously forthcoming reward all the sweeter. The snaars must be doled out carefully and cautiously, like honey, from the crock of enlightenment. The secrets must not be dispensed with all at once, lest the unready uninitiates misuse or disabuse others of the gifts and get a stomachache from all that honey-sugar.

Okay, here's today's bit of wisdom. Ahem. Here goes (get ready now):

Do not do any thing that I would not do**.

There! Now don't we all feel better? See y'all again soon!

---

** Better a language abused than disused, that's what I always say. When I'm not obstinately close-mouthed, that is.
** Excepting inasmuch as such activities distend to the overall benefit of Snaars, or of His condition, and that of the Universal Sentientosity generally, and humanity most very especially. Or if you really feel like it. But even if you are going to do something that I would do, consult your inner snaars first. Ask your physician before performing snaarslike feats.

Get him a body bag, Johnny! Yeah!

Sweep the leg, Johnny.

Relive a bit of 1985, with a twist, brought to you by No More Kings. Coments welcome.

The Veil is Torn

The veil has been lifted. Now anyone can view the snaarsliest of snaarsies.

(Keep your thoughts pure. Don't go blind!)

Mr. Deity

Mr. Deity! Should entertain the theist and non-theist alike. As gently irreverent as the Father Ted series. Kept me laughing for about an hour.

6/13/07 Playlist updated. (Corrected play order and removed unwanted videos. How did those get in there?)

6/18/07 Scrapped Grouper and erected UTube over the remains. I like UTube better, and Grouper removed episode ten from my playlist and from their site.

Twisted ...

How evil are you?
... it's better than completely innocent, I guess. (Disappointed.)

And here's a shout out to Juggling Mother, on whose blog I found the evilness test.

Happy new year, everyone!

More Star Wars Nerds

See the applications for membership at the Jedi training academy! There are several really good ones ... I really liked "There is no try." Which one is your favorite?

Kids of the Week

I noted that all my three girls were born on Tuesday mornings, and Juggling Mother said, "All mine were born on a Sunday ...." It put me in mind of an old nursery rhyme:

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go;
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for its living;
But the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

There you go, Juggling Mother! Your kids are the best of the lot!

I must have been born on a Saturday.

I Too Google Myself

I’ve seen this exercise performed on some other blogs and decided to give it a try. Go to Google, type in your name with the word “wants” or “needs” or anything else creative after it and see what comes back.

Snaars wants …
… you.
… to meet 2 people.
… to kill me.
… Lebanon to pay an onerous price for its ambiguity on Hezbollah.
… the $60 he claims C*****d owes him.
… you to tell your paper what you thought of his movie.
… to kill me. Again. [I did not make this up, it really said “Again.”]
… to break free.
… to move to Ireland to meet leprechauns.
… to share with the world.

Snaars needs …
… photographs of both sides of the animal.
… Mum to be present all the time.
… to go on with his life and let Terri's family take care of her.
… to leave the security of his personal isolation.
… brotherly love.
… to learn about language.
… to be ridiculed.
… a physics 1 book social talk.
… work.
… two operations.

Snaars gets …
… a hearing reprieve.
… the boat and Walt.
… a police caution for possessing Cannabis after being found asleep in his car.
… zoped up.
… to play four roles this time.
… around.
… suspended.
… fired for blogging.
… high marks.
… blown up in Iraq.
… stalked.

All untrue!

Snaars Collegiate Philosophy Dictionary, part 1

Culled from various non-copyrighted sources on the internet, with some modifications here and there by yours truly ...

• Abnormal: <Ambrose Bierce> not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, therefore detested.


• Abstract logic: 1 see definition two 2 see definition one. See also Recursive


• Accountability: the mother of caution


• Anarchy: such a good idea, it should be the law


• Annoying: two people who go right on talking after you’ve interrupted


• A Priori: we’ll just assume I am right


• A Posteriori: having seen who won, I can assure you I was on that side the whole time


• Analytic: occurring once yearly


• Bachelor: a man who Mrs. nothing


• Education - 1 <Ambrose Bierce> that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding 2 [Politics] proof positive that government can do some things more economically than private enterprise 3 <B. F. Skinner> what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten


• Fallacy: why even you don’t know why you’re wrong


• False consciousness: deep down, you know I’m right


• Income: you try to make it first, then you try to make it last


• Recursive: Referring back to itself. See recursive. See also Abstract Logic


• Syntax: money collected at church


• Synthetic: I am so not-right that I can’t be wrong


• Time: 1 an illusion perpetrated by the makers of space 2 a way of preventing everything from happening simultaneously


• Truth: the actual state of things, insofar as they conform to what seems self-evident to me


• University: a modern post-secondary school where football is taught

Are you on your way to your first million?

Q asked: Are you on your way to your first million?

I was on the way to earning my first million around twenty years ago when I got my first paper route. At this rate, I'll be a millionare by the year 2186.

I sold my first car Friday night. I sold my second today (Tuesday).

I am working an average of eleven hours a day, six days a week. I am starting to hit my stride. In another month my training salary will be gone and I have to rely 100% on commissions. If all goes well, I will stop working my second job at that time.

I don't know how much money I made on today's sale. I wouldn't have made the sale without the finance manager's help. I'm not sure the finance manager likes me. He let the car go at $500 over invoice, and I don't think he had to do that. I probably won't make much on the sale. On the other hand, I don't know how much we made on the back end (on the financing).

I'm not complaining. I'm not very good yet, and I may have to live with small commissions, until I am good enough to close the sales entirely on my own.

This job is forcing me to be more firm and assertive. I'm amazed at what goes on. I am learning that the management I work for is (95%) honest and open in the way they conduct their business. Surprisingly, the customers are the ones who are dishonest. They feel they need to hide things in order to protect themselves.

I don't blame them. At the recent tent sale there were salespeople from five or six other dealerships there, and some of them were shady characters. The thing is, customers can protect themselves and still be honest, if they are a little bit creative, and it would save us all some time. Then again, most people are at a disadvantage because they don't buy cars very often, whereas the salespeople sell them on a daily basis.

I've become less tolerant of nonsense, both when I'm at work and in my private dealings. My time is becoming more precious to me. That said, I have to go now - no more time for blogging!

Batman! Batman!

I am too cool. Yeah, soooo cool.

You scored as Batman, the Dark Knight. As the Dark Knight of Gotham, Batman is a vigilante who deals out his own brand of justice to the criminals and corrupt of the city. He follows his own code and is often misunderstood. He has few friends or allies, but finds comfort in his cause. Batman, the Dark Knight 71% Neo, the "One" 71% Indiana Jones 63% James Bond, Agent 007 63% Lara Croft 58% The Amazing Spider-Man 58% Maximus 58% Captain Jack Sparrow 54% The Terminator 54% William Wallace 46% El Zorro 21% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Why blog, when I'm gonna be a flashy car salesman, anyway?

Yeah. So I walk into the dealership, right? And they get the general manager right away. We go back to his office, he looks at my resume and says, "So, what made you think of selling cars for a living, Snaars?"

I say, "Well Steve," (His name is Steve,) "Steve," I say, "I've been doing accounting at UD for months now, while searching for a job that will actually pay my bills. I'm not an experienced accountant, Steve. They hired me for my good looks alone. Unfortunately I'm not runway material so they're only paying me a pittance."

That gets a laugh. I continue: "I need money Steve. My savings has run out. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. We have two daughters and a third on the way. I've been following leads on CareerBuilder.com and Monster.com and such, and it's gotten me nowhere. What I've learned is that, for someone of my background and situation - since graduate school is not an option for me at this time - I need to make a career in sales if I am to support my family."

"I see." Steve looks down at my resume thoughtfully. "Now, it says here that you're some sort of god?"

I chuckle modestly and explain that I'm a demigod, if anything. Of all my followers only a smattering could be said to be devout in any sense.

"This could be a problem," Steve says. "We only worship cars and money here."

"I'm just kidding," I say. "I'm really an atheist."

"So you don't believe in anything at all," Steve asks, incredulously.

"I believe in Snaars. Look into my eye." I proceed to mesmerize him.

Steve shakes my hand. "You'll fit right in," he says serenely.

True story. Believe it. Just like everything else you see on this blog.

why I was so popular

You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 8/8 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Science?

And, I only had to take the quiz twice!

5% dixie?

Your Linguistic Profile::

60% General American English

30% Yankee

5% Dixie

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Where did that come from?

famous last words quiz

Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

"Nice doggy."

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be?

Poetry Circle

I've always been fond of poetry. I don't often seek it out, but I do enjoy it when I chance upon it. I've even been known to write a few lines now and then. (Anyone remember "On My Island: A Poem of Philosophy Written Before the Exam"?)

Nature Poetry has caught my interest of late. Nature poetry is simply - poems about nature! - as the name implies. The poems don't have to be "about" nature, exactly. They must have thematic elements or imagery related to nature though, in order to be considered part of the genre.

Robert Frost, Emily Dickinson, William Wordsworth, and S. T. Coleridge are some great names in poetry that have added significantly to the body of nature poetry. I'm not aware of any poets that write nature poetry exclusively, but I'm sure there are some.

The following poem charmed me with its humorous sentiments and wisdom, and its references to mythology and ancient philosophy.

THE GRASSHOPPER
by: Anacreon (c.572-488 BC)
HAPPY insect! what can be
In happiness compar'd to thee?
Fed with nourishment divine,
The dewy morning's gentle wine!
Nature waits upon thee still,
And thy verdant cup does fill;
'Tis filled wherever thou dost tread,
Nature self's thy Ganymede.
Thou dost drink, and dance, and sing;
Happier than the happiest king!
All the fields which thou dost see,
All the plants belong to thee;
All that summer hours produce;
Fertile made with early juice.
Man for thee does sow and plow;
Farmer he, and landlord thou!
Thou dost innocently joy;
Nor does thy luxury destroy;
The shepherd gladly heareth thee,
More harmonious than he.
Thee country-hinds with gladness hear,
Prophet of the ripen'd year!
Thee Phoebus loves, and does inspire;
Phoebus is himself thy sire.
To thee, of all things upon earth,
Life's no longer than thy mirth.
Happy insect, happy, thou
Dost neither age nor winter know;
But, when thou'st drunk, and danc'd and sung
Thy fill, the flowery leaves among,
(Voluptuous and wise withal,
Epicurean animal!)--
Sated with thy summer feast,
Thou retir'st to endless rest.

TRANSLATED BY ABRAHAM COWLEY (1618-1667)

The next one is unpretentious, yet poignant and somewhat bitter. It is written by a Native American.

On earth as it is in heaven
by: Laura Martin-Bühler, (winter 1995)
Love is giving
Mother Earth gives all
Every sparrow’s song
Every waterfall.
No payment owing
On pink sunrise lights
No government loans
On desert moon nights.
Love is feeling –
Gratitude for all
Every mountain height
Every baying call.
No mortgages
On cedar trees and sand
Money is a game
Invented by a man.
Assets are acquired
Toys bought and sold
Useless possessions
Collateral cold.
Bondage of spirit
In gold we trust.
Cemented in servitude
Dreams turn to dust
God’s presence felt
In nature’s pure heart
Every creation
Unspeakable art.
Every white snowflake
Rainbow or rock
Emanates love and
A key to life’s lock.

This last one touches me on a deeper level even than the previous samples:

The Circus in the Trees
by: Andrew Hudgins
I love to watch the gray squirrels leap
from limb to leafy limb,
tumbling like furry acrobats –
and every tree their gym.

The oak limbs are their trampoline,
and their trapeze the pines.
They stroll like tightrope walkers, up
the looping power lines –

and sometimes they gnaw through a line,
exploding as it arcs,
and lighting up the evening sky,
cascading down as sparks.

Copyright © 2004 by Shenandoah:
The Washington and Lee University Review
Volume 54, Number 1 Spring/Summer 2004

Oh! That one gets me right. here. I have to stop writing now. I’m getting emotional.