Two years in review - personal update

So much to write, so little time...

The snaars wife: I don't often write about her, but snaars fans should know that she is central and indispensable to the phenomenon.

Seriously, Michelle has borne the brunt of the family's troubles of the last two years or so. We are healing from the disaster that ensued after our move north, and Michelle has had to do the most. In an unfamiliar house, far from anyplace we had ever called home, we found she was pregnant with our third child. Rejected by the family she had so long wanted to be reunited with, we faced another move and the premature burden of being on our own before I had stable employment.

Regular visits with my parents kept us sane. We made the 2.5 hour trip at least once a month (usually twice) for a long time. My parents also loaned us a LOT of money. I think they felt partially responsible, because before the move their encouragement allayed any doubts we had felt.

Michelle had it worse than I did in a lot of ways, coming to grips with the reality of the dynamics of her family (past and present), and doing the bulk of the parenting work: getting the kids into school, enduring a third pregnancy and a difficult home labor and birth, then taking care of an infant on top of everything else - all in a place where we had very little money, or support from anyone.

During the first months in the apartment and throughout the pregnancy I suffered from panic attacks. I went to work every day knowing I wasn't making enough money. I came home wanting to do something else to make money and feeling helpless. Michelle and I both felt tired, but we couldn't sleep.

Despite all this, Michelle continued to volunteer many hours per week to the Childbirth and Postpartum Professionals Association, as their public relations coordinator and director of state representatives. I think she had clung to the position as something over which she could have some control during a time when everything else seemed out of control.

Meanwhile, because of our obligations as parents to our first two lovely daughters, we couldn't slow down or focus on our own needs as much as we should have done.

I have had five jobs in the past two years, with bouts of unemployment in-between. This last job has been going very well. I have had steady employment for five months now, and although our expenses still outweigh our income, the discrepancy is minimal; we've been making stead progress and I expect the trend to continue. Soon, we will be restoring our savings. I expect we'll be buying a house within six months or a year.

I have been working with some wonderful people. They have been impressed with me and my work. I did not get this job through the staffing agency, but through an aquaintance I made while working for the agency. Within a week of getting the job, I was offered another job at a different company. Not only was I able to negotiate better benefits from my employer because of it - I actually managed to go back to the company that had given me the second offer, and I set up a complementary schedule with them, so that I was able to work both jobs.

The second job has since evaporated, but it was good for the several months it lasted. I am on good terms with the owner of the business.

After working with my current employer for three months, they gave me a considerable raise. And today - just this morning - they brought me into a meeting to discuss sending me back to school to take accounting and/or IT courses. They advised me that the combination of accounting and IT has considerable earning potential. They are willing to reimburse me 100% for tuition and expenses.

The only requirement is that I make at least a B in whatever courses I want to take. (I didn't feel it necessary to bring to their attention that I aced almost all my courses at UL - I think they know I'm capable.)

Sometimes it's good to be the snaars!

Simcha turns six this week! She wants a Care Bear more than anything. (I'm just glad she's over the Bratz doll obsession of the last few months!)

I'll write more about the kids soon - I know that's what all the real snaars fans ache for - but for now, it's past my bedtime.

Snaars Times

Here's a brief update for my online friends. Sorry I haven't been in touch the last few months. I've been working two jobs. When I am home I spend a lot of time with the snaars spouse and snaars kids.

It's hard to believe Saadia turned one year old last month - but it's true. Simcha is in kindergarten and Havilah is in the second grade. They are, each of them, fantastic kids. Every day there's something I want to write about. They provide me with enough material that I could write a full-length post every day, if I had the time and energy.

Yesterday Havilah told me she loves science, but she doesn't like math, and she wants to be a figure skater when she grows up. Lately, her favorite game to play as a family has been "20 questions."

Today I watched from our apartment balcony as Simcha nervously crossed the street all by herself on her way to the neighborhood playground. While Simcha participates in "20 questions," she much prefers "I spy with my little eye," which is basically the same, only easier.

Saadia has a glowing personality, and is working hard at breaking in tooth number eight and tooth number nine. While I was comfortably seated on the balcony watching Havilah and Simcha in the playground across the street, Saadia discovered the unique and satisfying sound an orange makes when it is dropped from the third story to the concrete below.

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I would like to draw your attention to the new scarlet letter "A" in the sidebar. This is the official symbol of Richard Dawkins's atheist OUT Campaign. Since I came out as an atheist about two years ago, and because this very website was instrumental in that regard, I felt it was appropriate to add the A here.

This blog's address has been added to the OUT Campaign's blogroll, but it took some doing. Initially, the OUT Campaign's site administrator thought that my site had been hacked by Christians! I thought: "Oh my, that administrator didn't take much time to read it, did he?" I supposed that my spiritualized theme had caused confusion! In fact, there was a typo in my submission. The administrator was looking at snaars.blogpot.com. (Blogpot, you see?)

Anyway, it's all fixed now. I plan to peruse some of the other sites on the blogroll, maybe make some more friends.

Perhaps I'll provide some details on my employment situation next time.

no career for you today. back to the end of the line!

Just in case you all were wondering, The Teach for America thing didn't work out for me.

Had I gone to the interview, I have no doubt whatsoever that they would have found a teaching position for me. The more I learned about what the commitment entailed, I felt it wasn't the right decision for me or my family.

I'm having a real problem choosing a direction. One thing I will not do is settle for something that is just "okay".

I just hope I can find the right opportunity soon.

P. S. For the philosophically inclined and/or curious out there, take a look at an exploration of numerical and personal identity issues, Arglor-style. (In patented Streem-O-Conscious!)

recent goings-on

For those who are interested:

I regret not posting anything lately. I regret the very negative tone of the last post.

I take that back. I don't regret the last post. I regret not posting anything positive since then.

Okay, this post is going to ramble a little bit because I don't have time enough to make it really nice and orderly. There's really no reason for anyone to read this unless they are particularly concerned about my life. I know there are a few friends - snaars fans, if you will - who wait with bated breath, yearning for more pearls of wisdom. They will be pleased to know that yours truly, and the entire snaars clan, are alive and well, and that I may actually deign to make a real entry (!) now and again.

Nothing much has changed. The in-laws have been much nicer lately. We are paranoid that the situation could turn right around again any day. We don't have much stability in that regard.

We have gone apartment-hunting this past week, and we turned in an application today. I don't have much hope that our application will be accepted because rents are so high here. It's bad when you are spending 55% of your take-home pay in rent.

I applied to Teach for America. They don't accept just anyone, so I am counting on getting in. (Insert pause for effect here.)

I'm pretty sure they will accept me, it's just that I'm also sure I'm the only applicant who is desperate for a job. Most people who do it, do it because it's a noble cause. Me, I agree that it's for a noble cause. It's a cause I agree with and I will be very glad to be doing it. But, I would feel a lot more noble if I were choosing from a wide array of options available to me.

Michelle has decided on a home birth for our third baby. We saw the midwife a little over a week ago and we are feeling very secure and happy about it. We are assured that if we still do not have a home when the baby comes, then we can use the midwife's. We also made an appointment with a doctor for a consultation. We are all really excited and pleased.

Simcha asks questions all the time about the baby. We splurged and ate lunch at a Chinese food restaurant today. We decided to use chopsticks, and it was the first time for Simcha and Havilah. Simcha held hers up and asked Michelle, "Does the baby does use sticks, Mommy?"

Michelle told her that no, the baby does not use chopsticks.

"Oh. Cause the baby could use little sticks," Simcha asserted.

But Simcha, how would the baby get the sticks?

Oh, right. Emphtically: "No, the baby doesn't use sticks!" Takes a bit to convince her sometimes.

Well, that's all for now.

personal update

I have a lot of catching up to do. I've not been able to blog regularly these last couple of months, and I've missed it.
I read a heated debate regarding the Christmas tradition on Q's 'other' blog, Ragged Glory. Q has closed the discussion to further comments, but I want to add seven words: "A Festivus for the Rest of Us!"
Life has not been without its pressures lately. The few of you who read regularly know that Michelle and I, and our daughters Simcha and Havilah, are living with Michelle's parents since late-October. I was unemployed until a week ago, and I have had strong feelings of guilt and shame for not being able to contribute to household expenses since we've moved.
The house seemed huge when we first arrived. Michelle's sister and neice also live in the house though, so there has not been a lot of room. Everyone has been great, but we have all gotten on each others' nerves at times. Sometimes we have felt like invaders in the house. My in-laws are not accustomed to living with small children, and I don't think they knew what they were in for when they agreed to let us stay. It makes me wonder how they managed when Michelle and her siblings were growing up. We have made frequent trips to visit my parents, to give everyone a break. The sooner I get a good-paying job and we can move into our own place, the better.
The job I started Monday is terrific. I feel that I'm learning quickly. I have met a lot of people, and they're all friendly, patient, respectful and professional. No one is distant or unfriendly. I think the average age of my co-workers is around 55, excluding one student intern who is around twenty. Several people have told me that it's a great place to work. I stay busy, time passes quickly, and I do not feel completely drained when it's time to go home. My only regret is that they cannot pay me enough. I will have to keep looking.
And now for the biggest news of all: Michelle is pregnant again. She's about two months along. She told me Wednesday night. I have experienced a wide range of feelings. With embarrasment, I must report that foremost among these has been fear and anger. Why should this happen now? I thought we were being careful! This birth control method SUCKS!!
I'm over all that now, and I'm feeling more and more happy and excited. I really love children. I hope it's a boy this time. We have two names picked out already:
David Adrian - if it's a boy, and
Saadiah Kathleen - if it's a girl.
Either way, I'm getting a vasectomy!!!!

Started my new job today. Hooray! I'm gainfully employed!

Thanks to all who offered encouragement during this dry spell. It's been a rough month-and-a-half and we're not 'in the clear' yet - but we're not going to go bankrupt this week, either.

The hours are terrific and the environment is great. I must have met about twenty people in the office and they all seemed happy to be there. Several of them told me that it was a great place to work, even though they work hard. The only downside is that it doesn't pay anything close to what I was aiming for.

I won't say much about the job at this time, except that it is at the University of Delaware and that it is accounting work. I don't want to divulge information that could, for all I know, be priviledged. I may reveal more at a later time.

Oh, and another drawback is that I am not employed directly by the university at this time. Rather, I am working through a staffing service. With luck, I will get hired on quickly and get a pay raise, but I'm not going to assume that will happen. So, I will still be sending resumes out, albeit a little more selectively because of the new time constraints.

In other news, Simcha fell off a chair yesterday and injured her face quite badly on the cheek. We almost took her to the hospital. There were no symptoms of bone damage however, and after some time she was eating and talking as normal, so we chose to just monitor her closely. (If we had insurance, there would have been no decision to make - I would have taken her to the ER in a heartbeat.) Anyway, her cheek is still swollen today, and turning all sorts of Christmassy colors.

Countdown

Well friends (if anyone's still reading),

I wish I had found more time to write lately. There's been no shortage of things to write about; i just haven't had the time.

I'm packing up the computer and I don't know when I'll be able to resume blogging. There's just so much to do.

What we've done, basically, is tear down our lives in order to build new ones in Delaware - or wherever we end up ... could be Maryland or Pennsylvania.

I'm currently unemployed. They had a great going-away party for me at work. That was touching. I'll have no shortage of good references, anyway.

My parents are arriving at the Lafayette airport around 4 this afternoon. Tomorrow we pick up the moving truck and load it. Wednesday morning we start driving. We will arrive Friday afternoon at the home of my in-laws, which will be our home until we can make better arrangements.

It's all about family and the ones we love. Life is good. Fresh starts are good. We'll miss the ones we leave behind.

Wish us luck, friends. We'll "see" you after we get settled.

Amateur

Those of you who have read this blog so far (if there are any of you) will immediately recognize that I am a very foolish person. I know this. I haven't sat through ... let's see ... about five years' worth of philosophy classes without recognizing this. It is not without considerable embarrasment that I admit it.

The reason I know how foolish I am is that I have been given this tremendous opportunity to have a college education and I wasted it on learning philosophy, which is one of the most useless degrees one can get. Not only that, but I enjoyed every minute in the classroom. How foolish is that? It amazes me what a dunce I am.

It's true, philosophy majors do better in law school than pre-law majors, and we do better in business school than business majors. Philosophy majors do better in graduate school than any other humanities majors. The only problem is, I'm not going to graduate school. And if you're not going to graduate school, then philosophy is a waste of time.

I will never make a major contribution to the world of philosophy. I will never teach philosophy. After graduate school, I will not be able to keep up with current theories and philosophical thinking. In fact, I am barely acquainted with current thinking now. As in other fields, philosophy is making extraordinary advances.

I have spent 5 years of time and effort to become an amateur.